Gossiped Out

Before I start this rant, I'd like you all to know that I am much happier in this job so far. My boss treats me well, and the workload is decent. Some days it's reallly busy, and some days it's dead. Either way, I always find time to get my work done on time.

However.

The older I get, the less patience I have for coworkers.

Fortunately I have had little experience with large companies over the past 10 years. I have worked for many organizations that have 15 or less employees, and although that has its downside too, it's easier to escape the trivial bullshit/red tape corporate crap that encompasses a large organization. I could go on about the differences between both, but the difference that I am the least excited about is the cliquishness that hovers over a mostly female staff base.

I don't want to talk about how fat someone looks in their jeans.
I don't want to comprise a list of 10 things that I hate about another coworker.
I don't want to attend parties just because it gets me away from my desk.
I don't feel the need to only stick with my department when at a social function.

The problem is, if I choose to not attend a function I am "antisocial."
If I don't talk about someone's fat ass, I am "religious."
If I don't sit with my department at a luncheon, I am "snobby and too good to sit with the group."

Seriously, it's completely ridiculous. I feel like I am back in grade 3. Because I refuse to participate in this bitch/gossipfest, I am looked upon as though I am up to something. I simply don't want to be guilty by association. I was actually asked by this stuuuuupid woman [seriously, one of the top stupid people I have ever met] if I was hired to report on everyone. Was I "instructed" not to hang out with them?

Yes, because in an administrative department in a hospital, they hire moles. You. Fucking. Moron.

The insecurity is deafening.

A loooong time ago I realized that I didn't enjoy socially interacting with coworkers. Ever since then, I find it one of the most painful activities I am forced to deal with. I try to avoid it like the plague - but there are some events that I need to make concessions for. I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder, nor am I in the area of communications. There is no need for me to succumb to such painful gatherings. Besides, give me one topic that people discuss at work events other than....work. You can't do it. People all default to work-related issues and the weather. Stick a 3 inch needle in my retina. Please.

This is actually quite weird for people to hear because I LOVE to pick the brains of others usually. I am known for my crazy, personal questions, in my quest to find out what makes them tick. The difference here is that I have an interest in these people. When you spend half your day with people that you have been harvested together with, you have no choice in the matter. I hear enough about their trivial issues through the cubicles. I don't care to hear anything further.

I have actually caught a few coworkers in lies - and called them on it. They just sit there and look at me in silence. If you're going to talk shit about me, at least be clever enough to cover your ass. Again, STUPID.

I read this quote the other day.....

“Great people talk about ideas.
Average people talk about things.
Small people talk about other people.”

I mean, there are going to be times that you need to discuss someone else, but the need to cut them down with ridicule and cattiness is so disgusting to hear on a daily basis.

I can't watch Survivor, Big Brother, Gossip Girl, or any shows like that because I can't digest the backstabbing behaviour. It stresses me out.

I guess I am technically being one of them by talking about them behind their back, but I am not naming names nor making it personal.

Except for the stupid girl. She's realllllllly stupid.

And yes, I realize I am going to hell for that.

Go Straight to Jail - Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

Twice in the last week I have had dreams where I was on the run from the police.

The first one had me killing someone (by mistake, I'm sure?)....and then I was hiding from the police for a long time. Once they caught me, I was considered a high risk inmate and every time they would let me out of my cell, I would have to stick my hands through the bars to have them cuffed in front of me. People came to visit me, and I kept thinking that deep down I was a good person and I wondered how they felt, visiting a friend or family member that killed someone. I also felt that I would rather them not visit me, because they had to have felt awkward - and were probably just going through the motions.

Tonight, I napped on the couch, and once again, I was on the run after doing something pretty bad. In this dream, they never actually caught me - but there were close calls - I just always slipped away in time. I remember thinking that I had no problem going to jail - I just needed to pay my bills/get my finances in order and put my stuff in storage before I went.

Friggin' disturbing. I don't know what the hell they mean, or why I am dreaming these themed dreams. I haven't been watching Cops or To Serve and Protect either.

Does anybody have any input or dream analytical skills?

Nothing to Report

I haven't felt much like blogging lately as it's been insane at work (finally) and I haven't had two seconds to do anything in my off time. I've had several visitors and several social gatherings to attend on my days off. My evenings are taken up by my two part-time jobs as well. It's been a crazy month but tis the season and all that jazz.... I ended up getting a used car so that has helped with my mental health. This past weekend I went up to my mom's to put together a computer hutch that she purchased. I'm the son she never had. This hutch was about 300 lbs and a complete bitch to put together. Once I was done, I ate dinner and decided to go home, although it was snowing outside. Mind you, it's ALWAYS snowing in Wasaga Beach...so I assumed it would stop when I got the Barrie area.

It didn't.

I spent the next 2.5 hours on the highway, with horrible visibility (due to my strange reflective windshield). The roads become increasingly slippery and snow-covered. I did 80 kms an hour alllllll the way home. People were passing me during the whole commute, but I didn't care. At one point, the highway looked really slick....and this idiot passed me on the left in the fast lane. I was in the third lane from the left. Just as he passed me in his Jeep Liberty (going about 130 kms/hr), the back of his Jeep fishtailed and he lost control. He spun across 4 lanes, took out a sign and flew into the ditch.

This all happened about 25 feet in front of me.

My heart was in my throat.

One part of me wanted to help this person, but I knew that if I put on my brakes I would have done the same thing. The other part of me was thinking they were a total idiot and deserved to be in the ditch for being an ass on the road. They could have taken out several cars - but luckily didn't. I didn't even call 911 because I have a pay-as-you-go phone. I'm brutally cheap these days. As I merged onto the 401 from the 404, I was still doing 80 in the slow lane. The roads were better, but still looked wet (and possibly icy) so I was being extra cautious. I'm at the age where I don't even care if people are honking at me, flashing their high beams at me, etc. I'm not going to go any faster than I feel comfortable going. If I succumb to their bullying, and end up in the ditch, I can guarantee that they will just drive past me with no qualms.

So fuck'em. I'll do 80 and they can pass.