If I Was a Police Officer....

If I was a police officer, I would love to ticket people for various things that are important to me...that seem too low on the existing priority list.

Such as:

If I ever saw someone littering, I would slap them with the highest fine I could. I'm still appalled about how often people throw shit out of their car windows. In fast food parking lots....I see people open their car doors, throw their garbage on the ground and leave. The laziness and lack of respect for the environment is astounding to me. I mean, I get instantly angry that someone can be that devoid of a conscience. Sadness takes over for anger soon after - how do people feel they can be this way? What kind of a world do we live in? If I ever see a friend do something formidable like this, I make a mental note. If it happens more than once, I will wash my hands of them. It is such a character flaw in my opinion.

That includes cigarettes being thrown out the window or thrown on the ground by pedestrians. I hate that more than anything. Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty habit.

I would also fine people for driving too slow. Or worse, driving too slow in the fast lane.

Pet owners that don't pick up after their dogs...I'd fine them for that too.

Hmm what else?

I would give tickets to asses that take up two parking spots because they are so concerned their car will be dinged. I would love to silly-string their cars too. That kind of self-importance is ridiculous.

Okay I think I am done.

What would YOU ticket people for if you were a cop?

Bill 118

Queen's Park passed Bill 118 this week which bans the use of hand held cellphones and other media devices while operating a motor vehicle. First of all, a round of applause from me. This should have been a law 10 years ago. However, with the popularity of texting and Blackberries, it needed to be done. I drive everyday. I see soooooo many stupid drivers without cell phones...but the addition of a media device makes them complete idiots on the road. When I am a passenger in a friend's car and I see them texting, I get nervous - I cannot lie. Have you ever tried to text while driving? Some may say they have perfected it, but I disagree that they can be completely aware of the drivers around them while doing both. Come on. Something is going to suffer. It's like reading while driving. You can't do two things at the same time! I can only speak from experience, but I find that the reallllllllly stupid people on the road are always talking on the phone. One hand on the wheel, one hand at their ear.

Add a standard vehicle and a cup of coffee? Jesus. Disaster.

So yes, I agree wholeheartedly that this law should be enforced. Drivers can still talk on the phone with a Bluetooth. Hop off the wallet and spend another 40 bucks. It's a small price for your own safety as well as the safety of the people around you.

A very, very VERY small price.

Mind you, if you find yourself so addicted to that fucking Bluetooth, that you feel the need to wear it inappropriately....be ready for someone to rip it off your face. Just sayin.'

Example below.

Intro or Extro?

I had a neat conversation with my friend Karen, the other day. She started by saying that it must suck to be me on a daily basis (due to me having daily sensory-overload). She is so gumdrop-lollipop all of the time that she claims she never notices anything around her. She's too busy being happy and as she says... "clueless." I don't think she's clueless at all, because it seems that she knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I've had friends for years and years that haven't really figured me out as much as Karen has in the last year and a bit. We were friends before I moved to Calgary but let's face it - I barely knew myself back then.

The conversation turned to the topic of extroversion vs. introversion. She is confident that I am an introvert. I found this odd because I guess I pair introversion with shyness, and I am not shy at all. Today at work, I googled "what is an introvert?" and I was directed to a site that freaked me right out.

It was like they wrote a paper called "Who is Meredith Maloney?" I have attached it below. With the exception of a few points, it's allll me. Just in case you wanted to understand what it's like to be me for a day.

Simply answer true or false to the following statements:

The Introversion Test: Personality Characteristics of Introverts

1. When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time alone or with one or two other people rather than with a group. T
   
2. I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project. T
   
3. People sometimes say I’m aloof, quiet, and calm – and hard to get to know. T
   
4. I usually think first before talking – I rarely blurt my thoughts without editing them in my head. T
   
5. I sometimes react strongly to smells, touches, tastes, sounds, and people. T
   

The Introversion Test: At Work, School or Home & Introverted Personality Traits

1. When I work on work or home projects, I like to have large uninterrupted chunks of time. T
   
2. I write notes to myself before having conversations with people. F (that's just bizarre)
   
3. I like to share special occasions with just one person, or a few close friends, rather than a large group of people. T
   
4. I notice details that others don’t see, such as facial expressions or movements. T
   
5. If I say I will do something, I almost always do it. T
   
6. I can zone out if too much is going on. T
   
7. It takes me time to sort through large amounts of information, such as reports at work or long stories from friends. T
   
8. I often dread returning phone calls. T
   
9. My mind sometimes goes blank when I’m asked a question or caught off guard. F
   

The Introversion Test: Social Situations & Introverted Personality Traits

1. I don’t enjoy being the center of attention or in the spotlight. T
   
2. Groups of people make me uncomfortable or nervous. F
   
3. I sometimes rehearse things before speaking. F
   
4. In general, I prefer to listen to other people over talking. T
   
5. I don’t like hugely stimulating experiences, such as rides at an amusement park. T
   
6. I have few friends, but they’re very close to me. T
   
7. I feel drained after social situations, even when I have a good time. T
   
8. I like to watch a group or activity for awhile before I join in. T
   
9. When people have an argument or heated discussion, I notice the tension in the air. T
   

And that, my friends, is me. This doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with anyone, it just means that I will be asking all of the questions, answering none of yours, and ignoring your phone calls when I go home. Sad, but true. I can single-handedly tell you what the four tables around us in the restaurant were talking about, what they were wearing, which tooth was crooked, and what they had for dinner last night, via the smell of their breath. I can tell who is lying by their facial expressions, and who has false confidence by the inflection in their voice and the way they sit. I will be the first person to smell a fart, hear that same fart being executed and figure out who let it go by the expression on their face. All the while listening intently to your story at the restaurant dinner table.

It's a fucking curse, I tell you. But I wouldn't change it for anything.