Okay, so I decided to start the running today.Went to the liberry (heh heh) and picked up a few books about running.
Haven't read them yet....
Went to the drug store and bought some heel and arch supports. My heels have been so sore lately...a result of the achilles problem, I suspect. Took out a loan to pay for them (she says in a sarcastic voice).
Inserted them in my shoes.
Proceeded to the couch and had a nap. First thing's first you know.
Woke up, dragged my assssssssss down to the gym (yes there is a full gym in my building) and did some stretches.Got on the treadmill and started her up. Expected to last maybe....one minute, two tops. After eleven minutes, I was still going strong! I couldn't believe it.
After the ten minute mark, it occurred to me just how easy it is for someone to shit themselves while running. I got such an intense urge that I thought I would have an accident. Managed not to have one. Holy Mary Mother of God.
Ran a total of 16 minutes at speed 5.0 and walked 7 minutes at 3.0.Proceeded up to my apartment, and went riiiight to the bathroom. If you're reading this and you are having problems with constipation...hop on the treadmill. It'll clean you right out.
I'm happy I'm not as out-of-shape as I assumed. All of my walking and base running in the summer must have helped.
Today I watched a friend and my cousin run in the Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon in Toronto. For those of you who don't know anything about running, it's 42 kilometers from start to finish. That's like running from downtown Toronto to friggin' Oakville. This run just doesn't seem natural to me. People start to go wiggy, some woman shat herself and was running with it all down her legs, and most people puke at the end. Why the hell would you do that to yourself? I was sooooo proud when I saw the two of them cross the finish line before the 3 hour and 55 minute mark. What an amazing accomplishment!
So you may remember that I set a goal for myself over two years ago........I surrendered. I think it was too ambitious of a goal (10 kms). I've never been a fan of running although I used to run at the gym all the time on the treadmill. Granted, treadmill running is not comparable to real running, but I managed to get up to 4 kms each day. I was about 12 lbs thinner back then, so it's not a HUGE stretch to think that I can do that again.I'm also not lazy. I love to walk everywhere, and I love to bike. Remember this bikeride? You couldn't pay me enough to do that again; it was probably the hardest thing I have done to push my body to its limit.
Watching all of these people running this marathon made me feel lazy, old and fat. Playing baseball this summer was cool, but I was also injured 75% of the time (pulled achilles [still bothers me], sore bum, sore hips, and pulled quads). Why was I injured all of the time? Because truthfully, I have let myself go. Too far. I'm still lighter than I was when I posted the 10k goal, but what's a few pounds when you feel like garbage? I wake up every morning feeling like I am 85 years old.
I'm setting a goal to run a 5k in the spring. I looked online for races, but they aren't posted yet for the new year. I'm hoping one will appear for March/April. That way I can run it and say that I actually finished a race. If I lose some pounds as a result of the training, that's cool. However, it's secondary to my main goal, which is to feel better in general.I will try to keep updating you on my progress to keep me motivated.
I read this quote recently and it struck a HUGE chord in me:
"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." Wayne Dyer
Until this year, I have never denied myself anything. Budget? What's a budget?
If I wanted something...I'd just get it. Mind you, I'm not the type to get the biggest, best gadget. Everything I own is good enough for me. I've worked jobs that are just okay. Pension? Why bother? RRSPs? Say whaaaaattttt? The jobs I have been in have paid me poorly, and I have accepted that until now.
Where has this landed me?
In a huge pit. That's where.
So in an effort to make something out of my life, I have created myself a stupid budget. I will be following said budget until I can crawl out of this place I have been in for quite some time. The bank and I will have quite an intimate relationship for the next while.
Why am I airing my dirty laundry, you ask?
Well, I will be denying myself some fun stuff, like dinners and movies and evenings out. So If you ask me to do something and it's not in my budget, I will be saying no. Don't take it personally. I'm just going to be falling off the face of the earth for a while.
When I return, hopefully I can reciprocate with some nice things that you have done for me this year. I'm very grateful to those of you who have helped me along the way. It's time to be a boring adult.
Oh, and I will get a car if it's the last thing I do.
We all have triggers. Triggers are small things that uniquely set us off, when seconds before we could be in a great mood. The same small thing probably doesn’t affect the person next to you. When you allow yourself to become so affected by this trigger, it almost pisses you off that this bothers you so much. A vicious cycle, one might say.Traffic is probably the most common trigger. You're fine...and then you come to a standstill on the 401. BAM! You want to tear someone's head off.
When I worked at the group home, some staff members couldn’t take the kids on an outing. Some couldn’t handle the kids complaining when they felt there was nothing to complain about in their lives. Some couldn’t handle the kids’ personal care habits (or lack of). This one staff member used to get violent over this one child’s dandruff/dry scalp.I could handle all of the above. Kids will be kids. They'll complain their lives away. They will be shits, and know exactly that they are being a shit. They don't quite get it yet, because they are barely human. They haven't learned any real life lessons at that age.
However.
I would make dinner for the kids almost every night. I would prepare it, have someone set the table, and I would place all of the dishes on the table. We’d say grace, and then I would take my plate of food and seek solace in the staff room, away from the kids.
My trigger?I can’t handle bad table/eating manners. I’m not talking about knowing what fork to use, or how to fold your napkin on your lap. I’m talking about simple f-u-c-k-i-n-g manners, like keeping your mouth closed when you chew. Or tilting a glass, allowing the liquid to tilt into your mouth without sucking it in like it has a nipple on it. Or swallowing what you have in your mouth before you stab more food with your fork and jam it into your face.It appalls me when people have horrible manners. Where were their parents? Were they NOT taught how to hold their cutlery or do they choose not to follow what they were taught?
It’s deal breaker for me when I see bad table manners. If I can hear you chew, or I can see the food in your mouth while you are talking (talking with food in your mouth can be acceptable if done properly) I will stew in silence. There is no reason for it.My parents did such an amazing job with us, implementing manners. Table manners included. There was no singing at the table. No reading at the table. No making rude sounds. No shoveling food in. The television was not allowed to be on. We held our cutlery properly, and no one heard each other chewing or slurping.
(mind you, my dad started a little inside joke behind my mom’s back….he would show us his chewed food really quickly…and would go back to pretending nothing was wrong. We’d all take our turns and giggle. My mom would just shake her head.)
The kids at the group home would almost guard their food with their arms and hover over top of it. If there were 10 potatoes and 5 kids, some kids would take 4 potatoes each, with no concern about whom else was at the table. They would fart, and burp, pick up non-finger food with their fingers...and eat with their mouths open. They'd throw food across the table at another kid.
It seriously...seriously made my blood boil. I couldn’t do it. I just didn’t have it in me. I had to leave.
I tried to instill these manners in them but they would just continue to push the envelope. I didn’t have the patience to keep up with my teachings.
I also find it hard to eat in common lunchrooms. I have tried three times since I started this new job and I can’t surrender to my trigger. It just takes one or two people that are manneristically-vacant (Wikipedia, here I come!) to ruin the whole experience for me. I become one of those people in the movies that can't hear anything else but the one sound that is amplified in their head. So I leave.
Oh and gum chewing is not exempt from this category. I feel like everyone in the world should be videotaped chewing gum. Just once. IF, after reviewing the tape, you aren't horrified with yourself, you can continue. I'm always stocked up with gum, and I have offered it to others to be polite; almost always I've regretted my decision immediately.
So I was looking at some random person reading "Metro News" on the bus the other day. I almost puked in disgust when I saw the order of news events on the front cover. The HEAD article was:
THINK BEFORE YOU SEND Recent court ruling demonstrates e-mails can be defamatory, costly.
Down the right side of the front page (hardly noticeable), was the news that 3 soldiers died in Afghanistan.
So let me get this straight. Email stories score higher than military killings.
Riiiight.
Just making sure.
COMMERCIAL
If I see that McCain commercial with the mime one more time, I think I am going to scratch my eyeballs out.
SUPERNANNY
Is it just me, or do I not resemble the Supernanny? No one seems to agree with me. I notice it most in our side profiles.... I watch that show and although I'm sure she's a very bright person, I can't help but think that she's just of average intellect; she just looks brilliant beside these IDIOT parents. I'm surprised they manage to tie their own shoelaces each morning. The parents, that is.
WORK
I've finally been given stuff to do. Phew. I was starting to think that I would be surfing the internet all day. Standby for further observations.
Well it's been 6 days since I started this new job. Here are some observations:
1. I have never worked for the public sector before and MAN, it's exactly how people describe it. My friend Karen who has worked for the liberry for 17 years (yes, that's how we like to pronounce it) warned me...but I didn't think it would be like this. She told me that for half of the day you pretend to work - that you make personal to-do lists, surf the internet and try to look busy.. I actually listened to one co-worker talk about her cat to another co-worker for an hour. AN HOUR. The worst part is that no one seemed to notice. Very, very odd.
2. I have had trouble sleeping this week. I think I have had a total of 10 hours of sleep in 5 nights. I guess my last boss did a number on me. I keep feeling like someone is going to come around the corner of my cubicle and say "you're fired!" I know this is ridiculous, and who knows..maybe I need counseling. If I was actually doing some work this wouldn't be an issue.
3. I find it kind of funny that I work in a hospital. As a kid if there was one place in the world that I DIDN'T want to go to, it was ANY hospital. I hated the smell. I hated barf. I couldn't stand blood. I hated sick things and sick people. I pretty much hated everything about hospitals. I have become MUCH better about it lately. Maybe it has to do with the fact that between my sister and my dad, I have spent much more time in them. As well, my stomach is still weak but not half as bad as it was when I was a kid.
I was sitting having a tea at Tim Hortons with the chick that got me this job (sister's friend). It was my first day and I told her that I had a weak stomach. She said not to worry, because in the 7 years she has worked here, she's only seen something gross a few times (that she had to look away from). We were chatting and seconds later, we looked over at the line of people waiting to order coffee. A dude was standing in line and half of his face is newly burnt off. We both looked away, quickly. I giggled inside, while stifling my stomach heaves.
Day one - check Red, wet, burned face - check.
4. When I leave a half hour earlier, it's amazing the difference it makes as far as shaving tons of time off my commute, as well as the volume of people. So although I am not a morning person, I am working the 8-4 shift.
5. I work on the research floor, with scientists and research interns. Think of your grade 10 chemistry class (beakers, Bunsen burners, lab coats, safety goggles, microscopes, etc) with some cubicles thrown into the middle. That's me. I work around people that are insanely smart. It makes me think...at what point in your life do you choose to become a scientist? How smart does one have to be? Some of them fit the stereotype of a scientist, with the crazy hair and piles and piles of shit on their desk. Yet some of them look like regular joes with outside hobbies like volleyball and skiing. Only a few seem to have a sense of humour though. I guess when you jam that much knowledge into your head, there is only so much room and humour unfortunately misses that boat.
Overall though, I am happy to be free from my other workplace.
Okay, so I decided to start the running today. Went to the liberry (heh heh) and picked up a few books about running.
