This is how security has handled a fire alarm in the past:
After a minute of this alarm going off, you hear:
(Bong – the sound that happens when they press down the button to speak on the P.A.)
Bong
"Attention please, attention please
This is security
The fire department has been notified of this alarm
Please stay in your units and standby for further instructions."
Repeat this 1 or 2 more times
This is how it actually went:
5 minutes goes by with no instruction. Nothing.
By this time I am a little curious as to what the hell is going on.
My mother is panicking because she can picture me going down in flames
She asks me what floor I live on again – I tell her the 20th
She pictures the twin towers collapsing, and me free falling 20 floors
A mother never stops worrying
After 5 minutes of this alarm going off:
I hear:
Bong
Tap tap tap
“Attention pl…”
“Allo? Allo?”
“This is secur..”
Bong
“Allo?”
“This is security, the fire..”
(the fire??)
Bong
“Allo?”
By this time I am rolling my eyes and shaking my head thinking I could do a better job
Bong
“This is security……the…..fire department has been notif…”
Bong
(oh you think I am joking don’t you?)
“Hello, this is security, the fire department is.."
Bong
"on their way.”
Silence
Bong
Some rustling
Then back to the alarm
Alarm is ringing for another 15 minutes
Bong
“Attention please, attention please”
“The fire depart…..”
Silence
Bong
“The fire department is here”
(thank the Lord above – now can one of you please take the mic from this dude?)
Bong
Rustling sounds
“Allo? Allo?”
My mother now says to me: “Jesus, I don’t feel good with you being in the hands of these idiots.”
I can’t say that I blame her.
Usually I hear the sirens approaching when the fire department is called – this time there were no alarms…so I am a little suspicious.
Bong
“Attention please, attention please.”
“The fire department is here, investigating the problem.”
Silence.
(wow, a whole sentence!)
Alarm for another 10 minutes
Bong
“This is secur….”
Bong
“Allo? Allo?” (by this time my mother is imitating the security guard at the EXACT TIME THAT HE IS SAYING this; it was in stereo)
A huge guffaw from me
“Allo?”
“There is no fire”
(Hallelujah!)
Bong
“Just a false…”
Bong
Rustling
And THAT WAS the end of the fire alarm.
Time: 1:30 am
I swear, it was like a Saturday Night Live skit.
The good news is that there was no fire. I think? I assume that the next morning there were several complaints about the ineptness of this security guard. In his defence, they always put the newbies on the overnight shift. Especially the weekend overnight shift.
I finally got to sleep at 2:20 when I hung up from my mom. Slept like a baby knowing that there was no fire in my building and that I wasn't going to free fall 20 floors to my death. I'm sure she did too.
3 comments:
Apartment buildings are the safest place to be when there is fire. They are made of concrete. The only thing that burns in an apartment fire are the contents of the rooms. Unlike 911, buildings don't collapse because a couch is on fire, or someone left a pot on the stove. As long as your smoke/heat detectors work, you should get out in plenty of time before the smoke consumes you. Raging infernos are only in the movies with people hanging off their balconies. You'll be fine there on the 20th floor. Did I mention there is no ladder truck in Canada that could reach you anyway?
The above comment is made from my friend Captain Andrea........first female firefighter in Markham, now a captain.
Andrea should comment more often. She is hilarious. I laughed the whole time I was reading this! Let's hope they get it right when there REALLY is something wrong.
Post a Comment