DATING WOES...PULL UP A CHAIR..........

This entry is dedicated to my sister, Ralston. Ralbot. Rally-Roo. Okay, Laurelle. She suggested I blog about the dating scene, probably because I always shut down when she asks me about it. Frustration takes over and I don't know where to begin.

Ahem.

I’m 36, and single. In fact, I’ve been single for most of my adult life. Between the ages of 18 and 30, I have no one to blame but myself for being unhitched. For the years from 30-36, I blame the ever-changing world, and the flightiness of the male breed.

Allow me to explain.

When I was young, this is how it worked……

Friend came to you, and told you that so-and-so was interested in you. You told them you were interested too. You were all jittery and excited inside. You give permission for them to give so-and-so your phone number. They called. You went out. You made an honest effort to give each other time to get to know one another. Most likely, you dated for at least 3 months.

OR

You went to a club. You saw a cute person. You made eye contact. Someone made a move and you got to talking and exchanged phone numbers. They called. You went out. You made an honest effort to give each other time to get to know one another. Most likely, you dated for at least 3 months.

OR

You met someone at school, at your part-time job, etc. This was the easy way. You dated and enjoyed yourself.


Fast forward 5-10 years.

Once I turned about 28-29, it was time to start making more of an honest effort to meet people, since I hadn’t really given dating a chance, nor was it a priority in my life. By this time I was in a new city, with only two local friends.

I decided to give this online dating thing a chance. Mind you, online dating back then had a negative connotation associated with it. It was for the desperate people....

The first two years actually panned out quite well. Online dating was a new concept, and people were utilizing it for the right reason. TO MEET SOMEONE.

It worked like this:

Man contacted me, or I contacted him. We chatted for a few days. Made a date to meet. Showed up that day, and he actually showed up too. We make an honest effort to give each other a fighting chance.

Online dating in the last 5 years:

* I wasted umpteen credits and money contacting men who couldn’t even show me the consideration to email me back to say they are not interested (obviously on the basis of looks only, since they have never conversed with me).

* Once you actually pull teeth to meet, that same fucking person emails you seconds before you are supposed to meet saying that ”something came up”. AKA, something/someone better messaged them/showed interest/came along.

* You meet, and the person sitting in front of you is NOT the same person that you saw in the pictures on their profile. One guy I met for a date uploaded a picture that was from when he was 23, not 34. Full head of hair in photo. Bald in real life (which doesn't bug me, but the false representation does). This same guy talked about fishing for the whole date. Seriously. Fucking fishing. Men also tend to post their height as being an inch and a half to two inches taller than they really are. This can cause some issues when I am 5”8. If they say they are 5”8 and I am the same height..and they show up and they are really 5”6, it sucks to be me.

* You actually meet the person and you are totally into him. You think he’s totally into you. BUT, because you can both be chatting with 5+ people at any given time, he feels that there is something bigger and better out there, so you never hear from him again.

* They look wonderful on paper. Seem to have their shit together. Good job, independent, and seem great. You meet them in person and you are surprised that they were able to tie their shoes by themselves. A total and complete social disaster.

* You get the freak that chats with you for 2 minutes online and then abruptly asks you if you want to fuck. Yes, you heard me. All manners go out the window when they are sitting behind a monitor. This is probably the dude that is married and his wife is at her mom's house for the weekend with the kids.

* Most dating sites don't MAKE both parties pay to make contact. This means that one of the two people is just on there for shits and giggles, and not to seriously meet someone. Some sites are better (eharmony) but they send you matches of men that haven’t paid, and you are not able to tell the paying customers from the non- paying customers. You make contact and when you don’t get any response, you’re not sure if they want you to FOAD or whether they never paid to make contact. It’s all a big fucking marketing ploy. They are hoping that once they actually match you, you’ll pay at that point. The problem is that these guys never actually intended to pay because they are cheap fucking asses.

* Dickwad is only on the dating sites to boost his ego. He uploads a picture of him with no shirt (probably when he was 20 and buff) and waits for all of the smiles and emails to swarm in. He never actually meets anyone because he is now balding and fat and just wants the thrill of the chase.

* Dude is so busy that he doesn't make time for even the first date, which makes you wonder - how often would I see him if we were actually dating?

I just realized that my bitterness increased with each bullet point.

My biggest problem overall though, is that once I start to date someone, I feel like they are merely going through the motions. I never feel like they actually adore me, for they didn’t woo me to begin with. I have a pulse and that’s good enough for them. Birthdays, special days come and go and there is no mention of anything romantic. I am not an overly romantic girl, but I DO like it when someone is smitten with me, and is not afraid to show it.

I understand that men have a hard time knowing what is appropriate in this day and age, as women are becoming even more independent than men. They don’t know what their role is in a relationship/marriage, especially if they are not the bread winner or are physically less agile than the woman. I get that.

But please.
Step up to the plate.
Woo a woman.
Call her when you say you will.
Cut out all of the fucking games about when to call and all that shit.
We are much too old to contend with this anymore.
We just want a man that will show up when he says he will.
He’ll remain thoughtful.
He’ll carry your groceries, open your car door and hold your hand in public.
He will tell you that you look pretty when you do.
He’ll make an effort to smell nice for you.
He will pay for you, every once in a while, with no expectations.
He will respect you.

Such simple things, yet no one can fulfill these traits. Actually, I can summarize it all into one word.

Women want a man that is chivalrous. Case closed.

All mothers out there – you need to instill this trait in your sons. They are a dying breed.

I have spoken to many married friends about this next issue:

I ask them if they still feel a “spark” with their husbands. A few of them say yes, but the majority tells me that this spark subsides a year or two into the relationship. That person then becomes/turns into their best friend. So the urge to jump their mate’s bones is completely gone. However, they can’t wait to see their husband/wife at the end of the day. They still really enjoy each other’s company.

So, if this is what most of us are looking for…this infamous ‘spark”, and it goes away anyhow, why not get into a relationship with someone that you truly enjoy but aren't attracted to, versus someone who is a dolt but is hot?

I have to admit that now I am older and cynical and I’m not even sure that I want a mate anymore. I look around and see all of these miserable marriages, or divorces. Marriage isn’t for life anymore. Why would you bother? We’re in such a selfish world now that as soon as something doesn’t go their own way, they bail. Screw you! I’m outta here! AND, I will take the kids and be a total bitch to you because I can. I will use my kids against you because I am power hungry and will do anything to win (Dr. Phil calls this "right fighting", lol). I can’t deal with how the world has changed in this regard. It’s plain sad. And then the world wonders why kids are so screwed up nowadays. These are usually the people that were in love with getting married, not in love with the person they were marrying.

However, when I look around and see the one or two friends that have a beautiful marriage, with a completely equal partnership, it makes me want to make an effort.

Maybe one day.

Until then, I will buy my frozen TV dinners, order in chinese when I get lazy, wake up when I want to, go to bed when I want to, and visit with friend’s kids..but then leave when they start to annoy me.

Actually, single hood sounds quite enticing when I put it that way.

What was I thinking?