Bullshit

Some things aren't meant to make sense.

You know, I feel like I am 18 although I am 37, so when I see/hear of terrible things happening to my loved ones, it doesn't seem right. I don't know if I am just getting older and more aware of things or whether people still dealt with as much of this shit when I was younger. Is it more prevalent now?

Who fucking knows.

What I DO know is that it isn't fair. It's not fair that my father had tuberculosis, polio, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and osteoarthritis in his lifetime. It's not fair that my friend June died of cancer at 34 and left her 5 year old daughter and husband behind. It's not fair that my sister got cancer when she was 38 and had to deal with chemo and a surgery that left her in the hospital for a month...with a full year recovery. It's not fair that my friend Karen was diagnosed with breast cancer this year and is battling it as we speak.

And it's definitely not fair that cancer has returned for my sister. It's not fair that it's inoperable. It's not fair that she may not see her kids graduate, date, get married and have kids. It's not fair that she was given a short-term prognosis.

It's not fair that all of the bad stuff happens to the good people.

I don't have any answers. I can't even try to make sense of any of it.

I'm horribly sad. I'm angry. I'm upset. But most of all, I ache for my sister. I'm sad for my mom. I'm sad for my brother- in- law and for my niece and nephew.

I'm finding it hard to be hopeful and I'm finding it hard to be optimistic anymore. Why fucking bother? It seems that all of the good ones are taken away too early.

I realize my sister will be reading this and my intention is not to upset her. So Laurelle, just know that I love you and I will do everything I can to support you. I will continue to be a fun aunt and will be a positive female role model for the kids as they grow up. It's going to be a group effort but everything will be okay.

Direct your energy at fighting this disease. We may look back in 10-20 years and laugh in the face of cancer.

Do everything you can Ral.

Fight your hardest.