Stupid Frosh

I have to keep reminding myself that I am no longer in Calgary, where there is no humidity.

Today was the best example of this.

It was our year-end staff party. Schools have let out for the most part, and our AGM is over, so we decided to go golfing and have a BBQ at a coworker's house in Mississauga.

I was dumb. I left this morning without eating breakfast, or filling my water bottle. We got stuck on the 401 which put us behind schedule, so I couldn't ask my coworker/driver to stop so I could grab some cash to buy some water. We arrived and it was FUCKING HOT at 10:22 a.m. We started the round and I took every opportunity to stand in the shade during the day. I carried my clubs, versus pulling them. I golfed horribly.

NOT ONCE did a drink cart drive by. NOT ONCE was there a water station at any of the holes. The temperature got up to 34 degrees - 41 degrees with the humidex. SWELTERING. I don't think I have felt that thirsty before EVER. We finished our 9 holes, and proceeded to go to Mac's where I bought a water (710mls) and drank it in 30 seconds. I treated my coworker to a small slurpee - and I grabbed one too. I was STILL thirsty after that. As we were driving up to the house where the BBQ was, I started to feel ill. My stomach was churning, and my head was a little off. I walked through the door and asked to use the bathroom.

Keep in mind that I have never been to this house, or met his wife, etc. He's a wonderful guy - volunteers for OFSAA and has done so for decades. He's a well respected man in Ontario high school sports.

I walk to the bathroom and then it hit me. I'm going to poo my pants. I'm going to pass out. I'm going to puke. I was on my knees, then back up on the toilet, then back on my knees. I soaked through my shirt with cold sweat and then hot sweat. I was a MESS. The nausea was insane. Ringing in my ears. MAN, what a horrendous 20 minutes. After I composed myself, I walked downstairs and everyone looked at me and told me to sit down, as I must have been white. It was at this point that I met the wife and felt like a jackass.

"Hi, I'm Meredith. Do you mind if I expel every ounce of fluid from my body in your bathroom?"

She was very understanding. There was so much food that looked delicious but the thought of ingesting it was sickening. Eventually my colour came back and I could be social. When I returned home, I slept for 4 hours, trying to get rid of my throbbing headache.

The moral of the story, is that I am no longer in the west. I have to pay special attention to hydrating myself properly. I'm no longer 15. I am not invincible. The humidity quotient in Ontario is new to me again and I need to be smart about it.

I learned a valuable lesson, as it could have been worse. Instead of heat illness, it could have been heat stroke. Thankfully, I am still alive to talk about it.

I refuse to be stupid again. Over my dead sexy body.

An OFFS-ome School Year

The last few weeks at work at OFSAA have been exhausting and time consuming. I have been preparing and organizing our AGM which took place last week between Wednesday and Friday. Over 80 teacher-coaches and volunteers attended these meetings from all throughout Ontario. This event sucked a lot of my work energy over the last month; making sure everyone had the proper documents and literature upon their arrival. I can now consider myself the queen of mail merges. The AGM went well, the food was fantastic, and there were no hiccups (the spell check is telling me that it's spelled "hiccoughs"). When the meetings were done and I wrote the last comment for the 8 thousand meetings I took minutes for - it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My zits and my red, swollen eyes from zero sleep can now dissipate.

Halle-effen-lujah. Schools let out this week, work will slow down, and I can catch up on things without the phones ringing, emails dinging and couriers requesting signatures. I still love working for OFSAA. When you attend these meetings you realize that there are thousands of teachers that give their time and energy to coaching kids while making sure they are heading in the right direction. It's quite amazing. They are such a wonderful group of giving, selfless people.

Tomorrow I have my year end staff golf and BBQ party. Should be fun. It's in Mississauga.

I hate having to rely on people for rides now. Nicole, how do you do it? It's easy within the city, but anything outside the transit lines is a big pain in the arse.

In a week my friends' Jamie and Annette are visiting the big smoke. Jamie's two kids live in Burlington, so I get custody of Annette for 3 days. I will hook her up with a bulletproof vest and teach her the ropes of living in a big city. Don't make eye contact. Don't stare. Don't stand too close to the yellow line in the subway. People won't stop for you when you jaywalk. I'm just kiddin, although she is from a small town in Saskatchewan. For all of you Ontarians reading this, here is a little geography lesson. It's pronounced Saskatche-WIN, not WAN. I learned that very quickly when I moved out west. I'm looking forward to showing her the city (if you're interested in coming out with us one night to tie one on, let me know. I'm craving long islands).

Anyhow, hope everyone is well. Talk soon.

Ta.

Squirrel Poop Myth Debunked

LOL

My friend Annette found this for me. Hilarious. Thanks Nettles!

Poozled

I've seen....

Bear poo
Dog poo
Cat poo
Bird poo
Elk poo
Deer poo

I've even seen fish poo.

Which makes me think:

What ever happened to squirrel poo? Do they poo? There are thousands of them, and I can't say I have ever noticed them pooing, or leaving poo behind.

Strange, non?

Summer Peeves

Summer Peeve #1

If you insist on wearing flip-flops, please lift your frickin' feet. Why is it that people think it's okay to drag them? What are you - Neanderthals? Actually, this goes for normal shoes as well. You lift your foot, move it forward, and then plant it. Repeat. Not hard.

Summer Peeve #2

I convene floor hockey and volleyball on Wed and Thursday nights. Most of my job consists of watching the games. Easy money. Part of watching the games means watching the people. Part of watching the people consists of noticing what they wear. The problem here, is that some women think it's okay to wear Lululemon, when they obviously shouldn't. They buy the XL size, and squeeze their asses and guts into these skimpy little racer-back tight tops and calf cut-out tights. It is NOT pretty.

I'm heavy myself...and I would NEVER consider squeezing into this stuff. Some women will wear the tights and then wear a long t-shirt over top. Newsflash. You're not fooling anyone. A pair of long shorts, or a pair of nylon pants will do the job Sunshine.

Same goes for those annoying shorts/white trash pants with the words across the ass. They should only be worn by university kids. Once you are 30+, and 70 lbs fatter, it's time to retire them. Especially when your ass is so big that there is room for a whole sentence, instead of a word like "sexy".

It's okay to be heavy. Just dress the part, people. Dress the part.

MY GOODNESS

I was flipping through the channels on Saturday- started to watch Amityville Horror (the remake) on the movie channel. I found myself drooling over Ryan Reynolds.

I just couldn't turn it off.

He is perfection.

See for yourself:

































THIS MAN IS PERFECTION. I have never seen a nicer body. EVER.

I'd watch the movie over and over again, just to see the scene where he is in his soaked pajama pants. Never mind that he was psycho. That's irrelevant.

Other Bloggers

Two of my fellow bloggers wished me a Happy Birthday in their blogs. I'm starting to feel like a local celebrity.

See for yourself!

Nicola

Alistair

What the Heck Happened to the Drive-In?

When did the drive-in turn from a semi-cool place to go.....to a haven of white trash/inbred people?

Seriously. You should go. For the mere entertainment /people-watching value.

I thought Oakville was an affluent community....apparently there are some hidden trailer parks that no one knows about. Actually, I am stereotyping, because they were all in Honda Odysseys, Toyota Siennas and SUV's. Cheapest car or van was about $40,000. Very odd.

Now let's talk about the "facilities". Most people have a fear of heights, or a fear of bugs, or snakes.....I, my friends, have a fear of toilets.

I don't like using toilets that are missing water. This includes buses, planes, trailers, port-a-potties, or camping vault toilets. I would rather go outside behind a tree. I have flown about 100 times and I have yet to use the lavatory. I will stop drinking water before the flight so I never have to go.

I need to establish "toilet trust". Before I use a toilet at a friend's house, I need to know if it has ever overflown. If it has, I use the one that hasn't.

I always close the toilet seat, because I don't want to see it flush. If the water comes up too high, it freaks me out.

I don't know where this neurosis started - but I remember being very young and refusing to use my aunt and uncle's toilet in their trailer. Hmmmmmmm. Things are starting to come full circle with this entry.

ANYHOW.

The bathroom was HORRIFIC in this place.I doubt any staff member has ever cleaned a toilet, washed the floor, or stepped foot inside that washroom. The rubber floor boards were all peeling down onto the floor, exposing the glue behind them. I think the smell in there was the cause. If anyone has seen the movie Trainspotting, you can start to imagine what I am talking about.

















Ok...well it wasn't that bad. But it was bad by North America's standards.

Once we were outside in the car, eating crap...and by crap, I mean deliciousness.....it was a fun night. My date, Andrea, fell asleep halfway through the movie, but I couldn't blame her since it was Shrek the 3rd. Other options were Spiderman 3 (gay) or Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (shoot me in the face).

I'd go again, but I would make sure to pee somewhere else before I pay my admission. I would also choose to see a non-kid movie. I would try the drive-in downtown at the Docks too. Um, and I would bring a boy. Any takers?

On a Lighter Note

The weather lately has been my saviour. It's been sunny and beautiful all month. Today was 24 degrees, and tomorrow is supposed to be 30!

It'll be nice to actually have 6 months of summer again. I heard that it was snowing in Calgary this past weekend....I can't even imagine.

I can't even IMAGINE.

For my birthday, I have asked my friend Andrea to go to the drive-in movie with me....being that I don't have a car and all. I haven't been to a drive-in for at least 10 yrs....it was one of my favourite things to do back in the day. You eat crap in your car, roll down your windows, and watch a few great movies through your car stereo. It's awesome, and I am looking so forward to it. When the weather is hot, it adds to the good experience.

Can't wait.

I'm almost 35.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

If you listen carefully....

You can hear......

My eggs drying up.

I'M ANGRY

I'm disgusted today. How many people really need to open fire in a school before someone does something about it? What the hell do we do though? If you ban guns, people can still get them....

It's sad- really sad. Kids are becoming monsters, and a place that should be safe, such as a classroom, is no longer safe anymore. One kid can ruin so many things. They can rob the others of their innocence, their educational experience, and of their basic feeling of safety. They have to carry around that experience forever now.

All because one asshole is either trying to get media notoriety, or is riding on the coat tails of the others before him.

Sickening.

Coke Commercial

I saw this commercial in a movie theatre last night - it's brilliant. And true.

Delicious. Mouthwatering. Tempting. Palatable. Meat.

I can't do it.

I can admit my defeat.

I've lasted 2 months.

Although cutting out red meat has helped my bowels (too much info?), I crave it like crazy.

So, like my chicken wing rule, I am adopting a "once per month" red meat rule.

It's never healthy to do anything cold turkey :)

3 Going on 30

This little girl is soooo cute.

She desperately tries to explain herself to her Mom, and truthfully, she has a point!

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

So it's been 5 months since I have been home, and I think I just paid my last URGENT bill/expense from this move. That doesn't mean I have paid OFF the move, I just paid off the last bill FROM the move. I don't know what I am going to do next month, with actually having a few hundred dollars sitting in my account.

Just before I left Calgary, I had recently finished paying back the government $2400 for my taxes. I then decide to move.....things didn't get better, financially. Keep in mind, I work in the non-profit industry. Although I love what I do, I'm never going to own a Mercedes or a 6 bedroom house. You get my drift.

$1700.00 for the movers (still sitting on my credit card)
$350.00 gas and hotels on the way back
$180.00 Alberta Health to cover me during my Ontario Health waiting period
$200.00 Christmas gifts
$350.00 extra mileage for the car
$200.00 new windshield to pass inspection
$240.00 new tires to pass inspection
$130.00 stupid fucking dentist bill from Calgary, don't even get me started on this one

So as you can see, it's been a never-ending trail of bills. It's definitely been a learning experience for me. I never used to deny myself anything I wanted. Now, I actually dread going to the bank machine, or looking at my statements, etc. I used to drop $600 a month leasing, insuring, and putting gas in my car - now, the idea of dropping $97 a month for a bus pass overwhelms me. Brutal. For those that know me well, you've probably never seen this side of me. I'm usually generous and love to spend and live the good life.

Next month? I am treating myself to something. Maybe a new pair of Keen sandals that I have wanted for over a year? Check them out. Niiiiiice eh? (if my sister Laurelle is reading this, I know you'll think they are ugly so don't answer that question).

















They are kind of pricey, but man. I deserve it. I think I may even splurge and join some sort of sport. Volleyball? Fastball? The possibilities are endless. I need to get back in the rat race. I feel too isolated. All work and no play makes Mer a dull beeootchh.

p.s

I went for my monthly fix of wings last night and drank a pitcher of beer with them. It was absolutely, stupendously, amazingly, orgasmic.

The World Is Mine

You know, people in North America are so spoiled in the way that we think. If we don't have the best televisions, the latest cell phone, the nicest furniture, or stylish clothes... we feel sorry for ourselves..or feel less successful than our friends. It wasn't until I visited Cuba in 2004, and decided to take a tour of the actual city of Holguin - that I hit a major turning point.

I used to love the newest electronic gadget, and was constantly buying useless "stuff" to fill my apartment. I didn't need the best of everything, but I always had SOMETHING.

Most people in Cuba live in shacks, with no running water, and yet they could still be seen sitting around a decrepit picnic bench, laughing with their friends and family. They have their priorities in the right place; they don't take things for granted and truly understand that life is a gift.

Today, on Facebook, I created a status that said "Meredith is effen happy to be alive". I had several people message me and ask me why. I realize that the way it was written, may have sounded like I had a near-death experience, but some were just curious as to why I was so optimistic in general....

Now I realize that I am as cynical as the next person, but overall, I think I know what's important.

It reminded me of a poem that I have had tacked to a cork board for 15+ years that has always pulled at my heart strings. I still read it and get teary, because it speaks the truth. I have decided to share it with you today.....



The World is Mine

Today upon a bus I saw a girl with golden hair;
She seemed so gay, I envied her, and wish that I were half so fair;
I watched her as she rose to leave, and saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed--a smile.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine; I have two legs--the world is mine.

Later on I bought some sweets. The boy who sold them had such charm,
I thought I'd stop and talk awhile. If I were late, t'would do no harm.
And as we talked he said, "Thank you, sir, you've really been so kind.
It's nice to talk to folks like you because, you see, I'm blind"

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine; I have two eyes--the world is mine

Later, walking down the street, I met a boy with eyes so blue.
But he stood and watched the others play; it seemed he knew not what to do.
I paused, and then I said, "Why don't you join the others, dear?"
But he looked straight ahead without a word, and then I knew, he couldn't hear.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine; I have two ears--the world is mine.

Two legs to take me where I go,
Two eyes to see the sunset's glow,
Two ears to hear all I should know,

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine;
I'm blest, indeed, the world is mine.

Dr. Tennyson Guyer

Summer Has Arrived!

Last Thursday I had a bowling tournament for our work social club. Friday and Saturday consisted of me walking around like I had been shot in the hip. Bowling of all things? My knees and hips were killing me.

Today, I felt better and decided to take my first bike ride of the year since the weather was +25. I yanked my bike out of storage and pumped up the tires. A few kilometers into the ride, I got a flat. My stem was cracked. About 45 minutes later, and two hands covered in grease, I was on my way again. I had never changed a tire before so I was liberated and ready to go.

It amazes me when I realize how much of this city I wasn't aware of. There are some GREAT bike paths here.... I jumped on one that took me right down to Queen Street E. It should have taken me to the Lakeshore, but there was a detour....a painful detour. A detour that required you to carry your bike up 100 steps. I was OK, but there was this little Asian guy in front of me with a heavy-ass CCM or Canadian Tire special. The bike must have easily weighed more than him. Why had I missed the detour? Because some stupid asses spray painted over all of the trail signs that tell you how many kilometers are left and what detours are set up. Shame. I never really understood the whole graffiti thing, but I guess I will save that rant for another posting.

I spent an hour or so people watching at the beaches, and biked home again. My bike computer and the GPS system that Annette gave me (you rock Nettles) clocked the whole trip at approximately 40 kms.

I can just imagine how I will feel tomorrow, because currently my knees feel like they have been bashed in by Tonya Harding. My neck is stiff too, from hunching over.

All of that aside, it was SPECTACULAR to get back on the bike again. This weather makes me feel happy to be alive. People were out in the hundreds of thousands today. I passed picnics, barbecues, and family gatherings.

Summer is wonderful.

Update

I would give my left boob for a piece of red meat.

I am craving a greasy burger/steak like mad.

I will not give in though.I had that flu for a couple of weeks and my appetite was poor, yet the scale didn't reflect any loss. I think my body had retained tons of water because I wasn't drinking enough. My rings were tight on my fingers.

I am making better choices - still taking the stairs down 20 floors each morning, and I haven't eaten out a lot. I've been to the gym twice this week. It's on the main floor of this building. It occured to me that even if the gym was IN my apartment, I could STILL talk myself out of going.

So as an update, I have lost a few pounds, but it has been painful thus far. Hopefully I will hit a stage where it's easy - but my body is apparently going through meat/grease withdrawal. My heart will thank me, yes, blah blah. I'll update you every month or so. Any more than that, and it gets boring to read (and type).

Oh one more thing...once the good weather arrives (when the hell will that be? I've already experienced 6 mths of winter..3 in Calgary, 3 here) I can get out on my bike. However, I am a fair weather cyclist.. so I refuse to ride when it's under +15 celcius.

Bring on the effen good weather, gosssshhh.

Ontario Attractions

So it occurred to me recently, that although I lived in Ontario for 27 yrs before moving away, I really hadn't experienced it to the fullest. Andrea was driving in downtown Toronto one day - I noticed this new neighbourhood that I never really paid attention to before- she told me it was Cabbagetown. My downtown geography was always poor since I was raised in the burbs. I realized that there were several areas and pockets of the city that I had heard of, but had never seen. Same goes for attractions.

So, in an effort to explore this province, I have created a list of things to see and do in the next two years. If you are interested in joining me, please let me know:

Toronto

Casaloma
St. Lawrence Market ( was there when I was about 7; don't recall anything about it)
Kensington Market
Toronto Zoo (it's been 10-15 yrs)
Ontario Science Centre (it's been 10+ years as well)

Day/Weekend Trips

Tobermory (I hear it's gorgeous)
Grand Bend
Explore Ottawa
Niagara-on-the-Lake

Irritable

This past week I have been under the weather - chest cold, flu-ish, etc. I have been so insanely grouchy and irritable since I don't have my regular voice and I am tired all the time.

Which got me to thinking:

People often mention how people get old and automatically turn into grumps. Well, no wonder. When your body won't do what it's supposed to, and you feel as though things are out of your control, it's only natural for your to get angry. I watched my father get more and more grumpy as he got sicker, and I felt horrible for him. There is nothing more frustrating then being totally independent and watching that slip through your fingers.

When you're irritable, things that don't usually bother you, all of a sudden piss you right off. This is what I have noticed this week:

American Idol

Is it really necessary for the contestants to show the audience how many fingers it is to vote for them? I mean, when Ryan says "7" I can't be sure, but I think it means.. 7.

Could Randy maybe develop some vocabulary? I'm so sick of "dawg", "check it out", "it just didn't do it for me", "I don't know" and sucking air through his teeth when he doesn't know what to say. The man is 51 this year, yet he speaks like he's 13.

Spitting

Hmmmm let's see - what else can I complain about....spitters. Is it really necessary to spit all the time? I mean, is it a " I think I am cool" thing, or is it that they really can't stand the taste in their mouths? I stood behind this loser while we were waiting for the bus last week, and he must have spit about 30 times in 10 minutes. I don't know how he wasn't perpetually dehydrated. Oh and one more thing. It's nasty. I understand about those times when you cough and phlegm comes up, you look around, no one is there so you spit...but when you are spitting saliva, and pure saliva, what's the point?

Facebook

Plain and simple, it's addictive. And I love it. Those that know me well, know that I love keeping in touch with people, so this is an amazing tool to do so. Yay, facebook!

I can't finish this post on a negative note, so I will add some positivity.

Saturday Night

I had friends and my sister over on Saturday night as a thank you for being so supportive during my move home. Well, that's how I expected the night to go. I was going to order pizza and we were to chat, play games, etc.

It was all turned around on me and they showered me with gifts and food. I couldn't believe it. As much as I try to "pay back" people here, it's never going to happen. They are so giving it's incredible. Among my gifts, I received a lamp set, a hot shot (the coolest invention ever - kettles are outdated) and my favourite clock from Ikea.

I have wanted this clock forever. It's huge. HUGE.



















I know it's hard to tell from this pic, but it's easily 2 feet in diameter - and required a plug in the wall to secure it. I look at it every day and think, man, that's a nice clock.

I have the best friends/family ever. EVER.

At LEASE-st it's over

Out of sight out of mind right? For me at least.

My car has been parked in the underground for over a month. I have been absolutely dreading going down there to clean her out....but I finally did yesterday. I had to go wash it in the bay which required me moving it - and it was weird. Felt like driving a new car - hard to judge it, seemed bigger than it is, etc. This morning I drove it to work (although the sticker is expired) because I was having an "end-of-lease" inspection. The guy that showed up, went through my car with a fine-tooth comb. Honestly, you should have seen the stuff this guy was doing - he had a mechanism that measured the depth of the paint on all of the panels!

I had already replaced the windshield and the tires - and thank goodness they passed. Otherwise I would have put a gun in my mouth (Mom, if you're reading this, I'm kidding.)

The report he gave me showed everything that was wrong with the car ($650 worth) which was waived for "normal wear and tear". Under the "extra wear and tear" area, he logged me as missing my front bracket for the licence plate. I informed him that in Alberta, there is only one plate on the vehicle, so they don't drill holes in the car. He told me I could fight it. Unbelievable. Mind you, he told me that he didn't have info on his computer that I was over my mileage, so hopefully the dealership doesn't ding me for that too. If they don't, I can suck up this extra $30.

Having driven this car to work today, it made me realize how much I miss having a car. It's weird not to be behind the wheel on a regular basis. Driving is something I do very well, and I kind of feel like if I don't drive often, I'll lose my skill gradually. Gay, I know.

This is only for a few months- maybe a year, tops. I need to pay off my move and get my finances in order. It's a small price to pay.

You don't miss what you don't have.....out of sight, out of mind.....?

I wish I wouldn't have driven my car today.