Television Is a Farce

So as you know, I was at a taping of a television show last, last Saturday morning.

If you haven't seen the show, here is the synopsis:

It's based on first impressions....

Someone is being interviewed to talk about how crappy their life is and how shitty they look.
At the end of the interview they realize that there is a jury of 9 people sitting behind a two-way mirror that have been judging them the whole time they have been in the interview. THEY GET TO WATCH the jury's first impressions which are NOT VERY NICE, on purpose. The person is told that they are going to get a makeover.

They get the makeover. Teeth, skin, hair, makeup, fitness, clothes, counselling, etc. Eight weeks later, they come back for an interview.

9 different jury members have been judging them, and they hear all of the comments to make them feel wonderful.

Ok, so I was HOPING that it would be the after-jury. I wasn't so lucky.

Here we had to sit, making fun of these FRAGILE, RUN DOWN, women, while they cried behind the glass. I couldn't do it. What I did say wasn't mean, but some of the other jury members were BRUTAL. These women had gross, greasy hair, shoddy clothes, facial hair, etc. I'm pretty sure that they were told to grow their facial hair, because I can't see someone going for an interview without taking care of it beforehand. It wasn't long - it was stubble at that point. Dead giveaway.

Television is soooooooooo staged. We all had to smile on cue, nod on cue, laugh on cue, and at one point, the producer asked me to repeat the sentence:

" She needs to find her inner bombshell."

You all realize I would never say anything like that...but I'm assuming they needed SOMETHING from me so they instructed me to say it.

At one point, we all got the giggles...the guy beside me was my friend's brother...he has some weird condition that when there are bright lights, his eyes burn and start to tear. Its painful for him. Here he was, looking away from the mirror, tears streaming down his face. We were all howling with laughter while the candidate pretended that she saw us behind the glass for the first time. Meanwhile, it was like the 5th time. Anyhow, when the lights came on, we couldn't compose ourselves. We were pissing our pants. When the lights went off and we could see the candidate again, she was crying. I hope she didn't think we were laughing at her. God, I hope that wasn't the case.

I wanted to hug both of these women. I can't wait to discover how the makeover transformed them, physically and emotionally. They could both use some TLC.

I mean, who the f&*% were we to judge these women? Half of us in the jury needed our OWN makeovers.

Now let's talk about the host. I thought he was kinda cute before the show. After the show, I thought he was the most egotistical, self-absorbed individual. It was actually funny. We were behind the mirror and through the taping of both shows, I would estimate that he was either adjusting or looking at himself in that mirror about 75 times. No word of a lie. He thought he was all that and a bag of chips. Sad, really.

By the end of the taping, I was soooo happy to get out of there.

It won't air until the spring. They say the camera adds 10 lbs so that will be nice to see. Not.

We couldn't wear black, white, red, stripes or designs, ribbed shirts, etc. Doesn't leave a lot for me to wear, since most of my closet is made up of those colours.

Anyhooo that was my 15 minutes I guess. Not sure that I would do it again.

If I learned one thing from this whole experience, it's that I won't believe anything I see on TV from now on. Everything is staged. Everything.

Style By Jury

Has anyone ever seen this show?

Well it just so happens that a friend of mine is a friend of the producer and he needed jury members......and yours truly will be in the jury this Saturday morning.

Meredith + style is an oxymoron, but whatever.

I'm hoping that I end up on the 'after jury' because cutting someone up....when I am no beauty queen... seems a little hypocritical.

I'll let you know what day the show will be on.

Autographs will be given to those that want one.

Is It Wrong?

Is it wrong....





to want to see....







Dirty Dancing The Musical?

Debbie Downer in Disneyland

Oh my goodness. How funny is this? It reminds me of the Carol Burnett Show when the whole cast would start howling.

Volleybrawl

I've learned something about myself in the past few years.

I don't really have a competitive bone in my body, until I step onto the court or playing field for any sport. Then my passion takes over, and I become a turbo bitch.

I recently played volleyball for my alumni high school reunion. The team that I organized, ended up being very good. Of 9 teams, we were the oldest, and we lost in the finals. We did pretty damn awesome for having 10 years on the rest of the players. I REALLLYYY enjoyed this tournament because the caliber was perfect.

When you are in elementary school, you learn the following:

bump set spike
bump set spike

Not a hard concept.

Unless, of course, you are a player on my current team. I joined an intermediate level league, and the caliber is horrendously bad. So much so, that I find myself being more frustrated than not. I can't have a good time, because half of the people can't even volley or bump a friggin' ball. It's called the RECREATIONAL group, people. RECREATIONAL.

Why is it that people can't assess their own skills to know what level they should play at? Everyone tends to assume they are better than they truly are. Frustrating. I'm all for self confidence, but seriously. You suck.

There is this idiot on my team that thinks he is Mr. Wonderful, yet all he continues to do, is blast the stupid ball over the net. It doesn't matter if it's on the first hit, or the second hit. Even when I bump to him off the serve to set the ball, he will just zing it over. This guy sucks the big bag.

If the team was making 3 hits before the ball went over, I wouldn't have a problem with losing. I DO, however, have a problem with losing when people don't move for the ball, or they hog the ball, or they lift, palm, or carry it. It's embarrassing, really. Unfortunately, when this is going on, I turn into silent, angry athlete.

I go home frustrated every week. When I suggest to the team to actually call our lifts or call the palmed balls, they look at me like I am on crack. I would rather call a lift, than to see it actually fall onto the other side of the court and grant us a point. That would be like someone stealing a car. Yes, it may be nice, but it wasn't earned. One girl that is on my team is very good, so I think I will recruit her for an advanced team next season. I am done with "intermediate" level of play. What a waste of $90, let me tell ya. A hard earned ninety dollars (see post below).

My outlet for stress and frustration is sports. When that isn't accommodated, and instead contributes to more of it....I want to pull my hair out. I want to punch walls.

Next season, competitive sports. I am done with the pansies. I am done with the dumb asses. Bring on the skill baby.

It's time to get serious.

Owwwwww My Bloody Legs...

This past weekend I worked a shift with the Sport and Social Club. It was a 3-pitch tournament...I just can't bear to call it a 'softball' tournament, as they marketed it. Softball is with a pitcher on the OPPOSITE team, no rover, and with a real catcher....none of this throwing a female in that position to pick up balls off the ground. It's insulting to even watch.

Anyhooo, I had to get up at 5am, and if any of you know me well, I am anything but a morning person. Even though I knew I had to get up this early, I sat awake in bed until 1:45 - it's as though my body just can't comply with my wishes, and simply fall asleep. So, there I was, walking to the blue line on Eglinton at 5:40 am...to get to the subway to be picked up by another employee downtown. I wasn't aware that I would be working the whole 12 hours, but I ended up umping about 9 games, with a mere hour break in between. By the end of the day, I thought I was going to DIE. I asked the rest of the employees if they were sore and they all agreed.

I ended up calling my mother when I got home at 9pm. I asked her HOW THE HELL she worked on her feet ALL DAY at the Bay for 25 years?!?!!? She was 65 when she retired. She told me it was never her feet that hurt, but her hips instead. It's been years and years since I have had to work on my feet. I think back to working at the supermarket - shifts that were 8 hours long, standing in ONE PLACE. That is the killer. It's not being on your feet as much as it is not moving around.

So by the end of the day, I had throbbing feet, a sunburned face and neck, a sore lower back (which NEVER happens) and was a tad irritated at umping. It really made me question whether I want to referee volleyball. I'm not sure that it's worth the money or time. I was challenged, yelled at, ignored, and disrespected. I knew that it wouldn't be a wonderful job with no issues, but until you've done it, you have no clue. It's been years since I have played baseball, so the rules were a little fuzzy at first, which didn't help. I guess I have to decide whether I want to go in this direction at all anymore.

I slept like a log last night for 10 hours, which made up for my 3.5 the previous night. I also managed to nap in the afternoon. Back to the grind tomorrow. No rest for the wicked.

This two-job thing sucks eggs.

The good news? After being there all day, it gave me the itch to get involved in fast pitch again. I miss being the catcher. Crouching, giving signs, throwing to second base to get the runner out on a steal. Love it. The part I don't like? Running the bases, with my flat feet and my slow-ass.

It's embarrassing, really.

Even when I was thin, I was a slowpoke. I have two speeds when running:

Slow and stop.

Human Beat Box

I've heard some good beat boxers, but this guy is PHENOMENAL!

Who needs a dance club when you have this guy?

17 Year Reunion

This past Saturday was my 16-17 year reunion with my high school buddies.

I can't say that it was a lot of planning on my part....my co-planner, Suzie, volunteered her house for the event, and splurged for the burgers and dogs. Her house is like a wonderland for kids. It has a basketball court, hockey surface, pool, putting green, jungle gym and hot tub; NOT ONCE did the kids ask their parents to leave. They were having a grand time. The day was filled with laughter, conversation and great food.


I must admit that for the few weeks that preceded the reunion date, I was a bit of a mess. I was worried that not many people would show. This fear comes from the last 10 or so events that I have either organized or attended, whereby people RSVP'd as a yes and then never showed. The most recent example of this, was my Tuesday night volleyball organizing. I had 7 people, double confirm with me, and when it came down to the wire, none of them signed up. I was so happy that I didn't sign the team up on my credit card, as I would have been doubly pissed. Needless to say, my faith is people's "word" was very low. I even went so far as to bet Suzie 10 dollars that less than 30 of the 43 that confirmed would actually show up. Two hours into the event, we were missing only 2 of the girls.

Some of the girls I have known since elementary school. A few of us were in the same class from grade 3 and on. It amazed me, that after 16 years apart, it was as though no time had passed at all. Everyone had different lives, some married - some single. Some with kids, some pregnant. Regardless of how our lives had progressed, we were all excited to go back in time, reminiscing about our childhood and teenage years. There was a general consensus that none of us felt 35. It was as though we were pretending to live adult lives, whereas we all still felt 17 inside.

It was the best 10 dollars I ever lost.

Ngudu / Sarit

Has anyone seen the movie "About Schmidt"?

I LOVE that movie. It's easily a 10/10.

I recently watched it again at the cottage with a few people this summer. Once again, at the end, I bawled.

If you haven't seen it, and don't plan on it....

[SPOILER]

Jack Nicholson thinks that his life doesn't serve a purpose. His wife dies, he retires, his daughter gets married and doesn't want him around, and he's wandering aimlessly for most of the movie. During the movie, he is narrating the letters that he is writing to his sponsored child, Ngudu. He pronounces it as "EN-GOODU."

Well, at the end, he comes home and is feeling lower than low. He thinks his life is shit. He checks his mail and there is a letter from the agency. It is written by a missionary that is volunteering in the village that Ngudu lives in. He ends up drawing a picture for Schmidt. It's a picture of Ngudu holding Schmidt's hand. This brings him to tears and the movie ends. There is NO better ending to a movie than this one.

Today, after a long week at work, I arrived home and checked my mailbox. Alas, a letter from World Vision. I opened it, and it was a progress report on Sarit, my sponsored child in Thailand. Among the progress was an updated picture of him, his favourite fruits, colours, animals, etc. I was reading this on the elevator which I was sharing with another man. I flipped the page over and he had drawn me a picture with pencil crayons. It entailed the ocean, a tree, the sky, a carrot and the sun. Above the picture he had printed:

I LOVE YOU.

Well, holy moly. It was like I was reading sappy cards in the Hallmark store. It brought me to tears. The fella in the elevator probably wondered what news I had just read. Mind you, I am totally PMS'ing so I am more emotional than normal.

World Vision is a wonderful organization; I am so happy to have become a part of it. The progress reports and the letters from him are so exciting to receive, because I know my money is going directly to the child. $35 a month is nothing, considering I drop that in one night for dinner and a movie.

If you have ever considered getting involved, let me know. I will be happy to share my info with you.

Push It

Ok I was watching this cheesy movie on digital and happened to see this scene. Oh my goodness...this chick is so anal and boring on ER, and here she is..hilarious.

F*cking Sabbatical

I am going to try (seriously) to refrain from cursing so much. When I hear other females curse so unnecessarily, it makes me cringe. Nothing says tomboy like a girl that swears like a trucker. Sometimes the f-bomb can be hilarious, if used in the perfect context. I recall when one of the kids that I used to mentor asked me if I ever swore....(I can turn it off so well). I told her there was no reason to swear - that it was the act of a lazy person who couldn't be bothered to use unique language. Can you believe I said that? What a hypocrite. I had lived in the same house as her for about 6 months at that point. It's time I took some of my own advice.

In the meantime, I think I am going to take a wee break from blogging. Maybe a week, maybe two.

I have been feeling disinterested and overly cynical lately; it seems to have been seeping into my blog entries. No one needs to read about the negative so often. I shall surface when my disposition improves.

Until then, ta.

Great Apes

I saw this commercial the other day and giggled. I love their voices - so perfect.

Weddings and Showers

This has been a slow summer for weddings and showers. Thank goodness.

I've felt like this my whole life, for the most part. I don't enjoy weddings, and I truly hate showers. It's not that I think that devoting yourself to someone else for the rest of your life is stupid. Quite the opposite actually. I just don't understand why people must make this big frickin' deal about it. Most get realllllllly greedy in the process.

Let us analyze weddings:

Back in the day (40's, 50's, 60's, 70's), women stayed at home until they got married. Once they started their life with their husbands, they had nothing to start out with.

Enter the concept of registries.

Registries were created so that they were equipped with all of the important things to start up with. Cutlery, dishes, bedding, small appliances, etc. Now that we are in the twenty-first century, I can't name one person who has lived at home until they got married. Most have owned their own homes, which is a giant step from a few decades ago. For some reason, they now feel that they can create a registry that contains all of the items that are so expensive that they would never purchase them on their own. For example, Hilfiger sheets. $400. A set of Henckel steak knives. $175.

Give me a friggin break. If you already have sheets that work, and knives that cut, then why be so greedy?

I love the actual ceremony part of a wedding. Weirdly, I am one of those sappy chicks that gets emotional during the vows, etc. I think devoting yourself to one person for the rest of your life is beautiful. Keywords in that sentence are "rest of your life".

My thought is that due to the extreme divorce rate these days, gifts should be given when the couple reaches, say, 10 yrs. People can pitch in and send them on a holiday or something. That would be a fantastic gift don't you think?

I usually refuse to get anything off a registry. I usually buy the couple gift certificates to a nice restaurant that they would never usually treat themselves to. Or, I give money. I refuse to buy a fitted sheet for 200 dollars.

I also find that when you go to a wedding, people are all so rigid and are unable to loosen up. They are so concerned with their pantyhose staying up, or what fork to use, that they aren't themselves. Inevitably, the first song played is ABBA or The Village People, and they just get worse from there. Why someone would want the chicken dance played on their wedding day (or any day for that matter) is beyond me.

I promise you that if I ever get married, it will be a relaxed ceremony with a reception that takes place outside with burgers blazing on the barbecue. No gifts allowed. A band playing on a stage.

Now, let's talk about showers.

Showers are the most ridiculous of all traditions. Someone is getting married, and not only are you expected to give a great gift at the wedding, they want a gift beforehand. What the hell? Someone creates a gay hat for the bride-to-be to wear, and everyone goes ga-ga over the gifts that are being opened. Words you normally hear at a wedding shower?

Gorgeous.
Beautiful.
Precious.
Cute.

Again, people aren't themselves. I would rather poke pins in my eyes and watch Star Trek than go to a shower. I have blogged about this many times, but I crave "real" people and "real" experiences.

I can guarantee you as well, that if I am ever engaged to be married, I will give my friends and family STRICT instructions that I don't want a shower of any sort. Their presence, not presents, is what I covet. A movie night? Great! Sitting around opening gifts that I don't need from people that spent their hard earned money on? No thanks.

Baby showers are totally different. I understand the need for all of the baby-related items. I don't enjoy these get-togethers either, but I don't resent buying things in this case. I know they need them, and will use them. They serve a purpose.

I'm really not that grouchy. I just have very strong opinions about certain things.

And Laurelle, if you are reading this, I didn't hate your wedding. I enjoyed myself, but that is because I was happy that you were happy. I also liked that you let me buy my own dress for 59 dollars from Sears. Most of my friends have spent up to $500 on bridesmaid dresses. I also knew that you needed stuff since you and Greg had nothing. A set of pots was well worth the $1200 I spent on them.

You can't put a price on sisterhood :)

[Addition]

I just watched one of my favourite movies, "In her Shoes". Rose had the best wedding ever, in the best place ever, with the best guy ever. She knew how to do things right.

Meh

I was away last week at the cottage for three days and was camping for 3 days as well. The break did me a ton of good. I will blog about those experiences tomorrow. Once I returned to work, it wasn't a nice transition.

Between both of my jobs, I have been catching shit from everyone this week. People are generally pissed off for some reason. Maybe because the summer is almost over? I noticed that last night was a full moon which could be the culprit - but people have been verbally abusing me for doing my job(s). Nothing that I can't take, as I am a master shit-taker, but hopefully it ceases soon.

So it turns out that this whole volleyball officiating plan of mine, has been abolished by the Ontario Volleyball Association. They want to hold this clinic in MARCH. Makes sense right? Considering the high school and college/university seasons are DONE BY THEN. This sucks because they were going to fund this for me, and I would have been able to start in October. I could have told my current part-time employer to piss off. They have been cancelling shifts on me a lot lately, with no explanation, and it's really affecting my bank book.

Oh, and I got a notice in the mail stating that the government is auditing me this month to make sure that my moving expenses are legit. "Random audit" MY ASS. They audit me every second effen year. It's totally legit on my end, but it's a big pain in the ass to get together to send to them. Letters from my employer, receipts, forms to fill out, you name it.

Thank goodness the long weekend is coming up. Time to cuddle up in front of the television and do S.F.A. Just me, my 20 inch television, some movies, and a bag of Sweet Chili Heat Doritos.

Bring it on.

Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007

Ok, I know most of you have already seen this but, man..it's good for a laugh.

"everywhere like..such as..."

LOL

One of the girls in our office is new and was feeling really behind and stupid today - I told her to watch this video and now she feels a WHOLE LOT BETTER.

Love it.

AHA!

Here I am, 9 months after moving back to Toronto.........

I assumed my remotes for my TV, DVD player, and VCR were lost in the move....therefore couldn't set the times, etc on these machines. I programmed the digital remote to control these devices, but they do the bare minimum.

I was rifling through my camping equipment today and voila! Somehow they ended up in these bags? (most likely when I was doing some desperate last minute packing a.k.a just throwing stuff into anything).

I can now set the times, and dates, and alarms on my T.V.

The simple things......

Say What You Do, Do What You Say

It's simple.

Commit to something and, well, do it.

If you're invited to a party, and it's a Friday night after a long week at work....and you are tired.. buck up, have a shower and get your ass in your car and get to that party. Chances are, that person accounted for your presence and bought groceries, drinks, etc for you.

If you confirm you will attend a concert, someone buys you a ticket....and you back out...open your fucking wallet and give that person what they paid for the ticket, regardless of whether you go or not. It should not be their problem to now find a replacement for you, the flaky friend.

If you give someone your 1000% "word" (which means shit nowadays), and you back out last minute, not only do you suck, but you are risking losing respect from that friend.

Recently I have experienced more cancellations from friends than "kept" commitments. It's rude, it's insulting, and it's a waste of my time. People seem to think that my time is less precious than theirs for some odd, ignorant reason.

If you know me at all, you know that I like straight forward people. Call it like you see it. If I ask you if you want to go to a concert and you don't feel like it, or hate the band - whatever...TELL ME IT SUCKS and you would rather stick pins in your eyes. I can at least move on, and know where you stand on the subject. I won't waste any further time on you.

Giving one's "word" is meaning less and less to me. I find this incredibly sad and unfortunate. This stuff didn't happen half as much back when our parents were younger. People accepted dinner invites months in advance and showed up when they were told. They didn't wait for better offers to surface in those 30 days. They didn't keep their options open. They declined invitations in between and kept their "word".

Nowadays, people feign interest, when they have no intentions on following through - then weakly hide behind their text messaging, cell phones, and emails, and cancel on stuff last minute. Most likely to go to a better offer that surfaced earlier in the day.

I am losing respect for people's value systems. They are disintegrating at a phenomenal rate.

I am officially taking a break from any sort of organizing for a while. The saddest part? No one will even notice, nor care.



* disclaimer - this does not include emergencies or unexpected kid issues, etc. I understand
circumstances beyond our control.

WHO ARE YOU????

I would like to know who is reading this blog....I have given this address out to a few people, but I am not sure who actually reads it.

For this reason, I would like you to sign the comment section below.

Let me know who you are, and how often you read my stuff. And anything relevant/irrelevant if you want.

Like, for example, what you just ate for lunch, or what foods give you gas, or how old you were when you first tried a cigarette. Anything you want.

Things Are Starting To Look Up

Finally, I have a few bits of good news.

The summer seems to have flown by, which makes me sad. Not so much for the hot weather, but for the long days that I love. I love waking up when it’s light out and I like that it doesn’t get dark until 9 or so. The lack of light in the winter gets me down.

Yesterday at work, I was watching 4 games on a giant field at St. Mike’s stadium downtown. As I sat there, I could hear rustling and I realized it was the fallen leaves on the ground flying around. I was in disbelief that leaves have already begun to fall.

The summer is on its way out and I haven’t even begun to enjoy it. I’ve been on my bike a mere 4 times. I haven’t camped yet. I haven’t gone on any road trips. I have been working and that is all. Working. Working. Working.

So yes, back to the good news:

1.

I found out, that the Ontario Volleyball Association, in the same building as I work in, received a grant from the government. They have chosen to apply it to their officiating clinics for women. This means that the officiating clinic/course I have been waiting to take will be....free! I also can get my Level 1 Coaching certificate, and manual for free. This alone saves me about $300. I was so pleasantly surprised because I never really had the cash to pay for the course in the first place. Reffing will help me financially, and it is something I have always wanted to do.

2.

I received a gift certificate in the mail from Addition Elle for $25. I could have kissed someone, since there is an overpriced sweater/blouse combo that I have had my eye on. Apparently I have spent over $500 there, of which $300 were gift certificates that my family gave me over the last year or so. The rest was probably stuff my friend Andrea bought there - she scans my card all the time when she makes a purchase.

3.

When I was in Cotton Ginny the other day, I tried on a pair of gauchos. I tried my normal size on and they were way too big. I tried the next size down and they were a little spacious as well. The sales girl told me to try one smaller. I told her there was no way it would fit since it’s been 8 yrs since I have fit into that size. They fucking fit me. I almost cried with joy. They were probably made bigger than usual, but hell, I’ll take it. I’ve noticed that I don’t look any smaller to the naked eye, but my body is redistributing. My cup size is too big now, and my legs don’t feel so enormous.

Hopefully this good luck keeps up, because it would be comforting to know that someone/something out there is looking out for me, and that my rough transition is starting to smooth out. For a while there, I was wondering if I had made a mistake by moving back to Toronto.

Fake Boobage, As Promised

Big Boob Nicknames:

Assets, Boobs, Hooters, Jugs, Knockers, Rack, Tits, Ba-Bearns
(got the last one from Laurelle)

Small Boob Nicknames:

Ant Bites, Fried Eggs, Ironing Board, Mole Hills, Mosquito Bites, 
Great American Flat-Lands 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, what would you rather have, by looking at the above nicknames?
For some reason, big boobs are more acceptable in society than small
boobs. By small boobs, I mean B or smaller, and by big I mean C and larger.

Whenever a big boobed person hears of a small boobed person that is
thinking about getting a boob augmentation, they think they are crazy,
considering how brutal it can be to properly care for big ta-tas. Sore backs,
double bras when exercising, expensive bras, chafing,etc. What they don't
realize, is how crappy it can be to find shirts that flatter or disguise small
boobs, and how self-conscious they can get once the guy they are with
realizes that the "handful" was actually padding/cookies in their bra.

Cookies = soft boob inserts

I have a friend that would get embarrassed when she was in the cold,
because her nipples WOULDN'T show through her shirt. She said it was a
dead giveaway for people to know she had padding. I had never thought of that,
but it makes total sense. Most big boobed people, meanwhile, are making sure
that their nipples are pointing in the right direction in their bras.

For all of you mean reading this, it is true. Sorry to give you realistic
information about the ladies you have been with.

I also have 3 or 4 friends over the years that have had boob jobs. It was
amazing to see the difference in them after they had larger boobs. They stood
up straighter, and their confidence skyrocketed. The only negative thing they
dealt with, was having to cover up the fact that they had an enlargement.

Again, society looks down on that for some reason.

I am hard pressed to think of what kind of plastic surgery I would have,
if I could have anything I wanted. Most of what I would change could be changed
if I worked at it. However, if I had some physical trait that I was ashamed of,
or was the source of my dwindling self-esteem, I would definitely save up to
fix it. Why wouldn't I, after all?

Getting surgery is no worse than fake suntanning, laser hair removal, piercing,
tattooing, etc. People think they look better by doing these things, so they do it.
We are all victims of vanity - we just vary in degrees from one another.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself is good news. I haven't once met
a woman that had a breast augmentation that regretted their decision. They love
their new body, and they should. If you don't love what you have, it shows.

So let go of those judgements when you see a nice set of hooters.......although
women pay a lot of money for them, what they contribute back to their owners
is something that you can't put a price tag on.

June's Memorial

June Marie Galicia
April 26, 1972- August 10, 2006

Today I went to June's memorial at her house at Yonge and Sheppard. If you have ever been to a Filipino function, you know how many people attend, and how full you are when you leave.

I find it upsetting that it took June's death for a bunch of us to reconnect. In high school we were soooo close and for some odd reason we never stayed in contact after that. A few did, but not to the extent that good friends do.

It has bothered me for a year about why she died. It doesn't make any sense to me. Tonight I spoke to Cristina, a friend I haven't seen for 10-12 yrs. She gave me a different perspective which was so welcomed by my befuddled brain. She said that if you asked the 40 people in the room how many people have had cancer, you would have a few hands go up. It's just that June's cancer (uterine) was one of the hardest to fight, and that was the unfortunate component. Others that have had prostate, breast, skin and thyroid, have fought it and won. It was such a simple statement, but it has done wonders for my mind.

As I looked around at the pictures on the wall, many of them were of June when she was going through treatment. She was wearing scarves on her head, and was easily 30 lbs thinner than normal. She did NOT have 30 lbs to lose either. It broke my heart. I hadn't seen the family in at least 15 yrs....and yet they welcomed me as though no time had passed. A truly wonderful group of people.

I will not let important people out of my life in the future. I will make the extra effort, because life is short and before you know it, time runs out.

Scary Summer Sights

Ok people. Listen closely. Feet are ugly. Plain and simple. Now because they are ugly, you need to take extra care of them in the summer, where sandals are the norm.

There is NO reason for your heel to be white with an inch of dead skin. There is no need for your polish to be chipped and missing in chunks. There is no need for overly long toe nails.

I saw a man on the bus today that was about 35-40 yrs old. He had flip flops on, and his toenails were longer than any woman's fake nails I have seen. His big toe on one foot was curling under, and the other big toe had more dirt under it than a rock. When I looked at his feet, I threw up a little in my mouth.

I have toes that are like fingers. They are long, and ugly, and one toenail is dead due to a bicycle accident when I was 10. However, I slough my feet about twice a week, and treat my feet to peppermint foot cream before bedtime. If my nail polish is even a little bit chipped, I will either wear shoes, or strip them and coat them with new polish. I do exactly what is necessary to NOT draw attention to my feet.

I saw a chick, again, on the bus (see a trend yet?) that had FAKE toenails on. Apparently, there are stick-on nails that are as long as fake fingernails. They look reminiscent of the Guiness Book of World Records person with the longest nails ever. What's that? You've never seen her?

Allow me.


















Aren't they pretty with each nail in a different polish?

Ok, you know you have a problem when you can't even lay your bare foot down on the ground - and you need a stool to showcase the nails.

So this fake toenail trend...even men with foot fetishes can't find this attractive.Or can they?

Hell, some people have liked my toes before, and have even put them in their mouths. I thought I would hate it...but didn't. Don't turn your nose up until you've tried it. Too much info? Just goes to show you that what one person finds ugly, another finds beautiful.

Here is a perfect example of decent feet in summer sandals:














See? It can be done people. It can be done.

Stay tuned for my next topic....fake boobs. Coming soon, to a blog near you.

In Love With.....

I'm in love with the streetcar. The windows wide open, the sounds of the street, the lack of sound from an engine......just the humming along the track. The clink of the bell when the drivers signal to one another as they roll by.

I'm in love with a new flower shop that I discovered on Broadview, just south of Danforth. They have all types of plants and flowers, at a reasonable price...without the pretentious feeling. Just a family-owned business. I love to give flowers because most people don't receive them as much as they deserve.

I'm in love with air fresheners. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can't pass that aisle in a supermarket without stopping to smell them. My favourites are from Febreze. I like a fresh smelling apartment, what can I say?

I'm in love with the sound of people reading the newspaper, or magazines. The sound of the pages flipping, the crinkling of the paper, the index finger and thumb squeezing a page before it turns.

I'm in love with the Purolator dude that delivers to our office. He is genuinely excited to see us, and spills over with life. He loves his job; I can't help but smile when he shows up.

I'm in love with Last FM. It took me a few weeks to get over Pandora, when they decided to not allow Canadian residents to use their service. I stumbled across Last FM, and I haven't looked back since.

I'm in love with Crystal Light Iced Tea. It's delightful, when I am trying to wean myself off of Diet Coke.

I'm in love with all of the people that take the time to read my blog. It's flattering that I can write stuff that actually interests you, and that you keep coming back for more, even when I get grumpy with some posts.

Lastly, I am in love with.................who I have become. It took me 35 years, but it's been well worth getting to know who I am, and who I want to surround myself with.

That would be you.

Heat Wave, Part Deux

Today, it was 34 degrees plus the humidex. Unlike Wednesday and Thursday, there was a lovely breeze that kept the city in a more comfortable state. Although it was smokin' hot, there was no sweating as I moved from point A to point B. I can deal with the heat on days like today. I also had a few inches chopped off my hair, so I feel more buoyant and less elephantine (yes that is a word).

I am excited to attend Nicole's rooftop patio party tomorrow. Shall be a great time. She just bought a new condo at Church and King...by herself. She is my new, single, independent "personal hero" friend. If you have any idea how much property costs in Toronto, you can understand why I think she's magnificent.

Here is a picture of her dressed up like a bug, drinking something naughty:















We met while working at Columbia House. Yes, you heard me correctly. That place was a frickin' sweat shop, but I met some awesome people and she is one of them.

Tomorrow awaits.....

Funny, Serious, or Seriously Funny?

People change, and sometimes when that happens, friends and family don't handle it that well. I can understand that, because you choose your friends as to whether they are fun to be around, and whether they feed your personal needs. That's normal.

Up until a few years ago, when I was in a social situation, I would be the funny one. The one cracking jokes left right and centre. The centre of attention. That was what I knew. It was easy. I think I get that quality from my father, who was one of the funniest people I have ever met to this day. Half of the jokes and sayings that I STILL use are all borrowed from him. People that have met me in the last 3 years probably have a totally different view of who I am, since I am more reserved and am more of an introvert.

Usually the people that use humour 100% of the time, drive me nuts. When I see comedians like Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, and Adam Sandler on talk shows, I want to reach through the TV set and strangle them. They never turn themselves off on TV. A serious question is asked of them, and they manage to redirect it into something funny. I have read articles that the really funny people suffer from severe depression, and I believe it. I'm not naming names, but someone close to me is the funniest person in social situations and at work. People LOVE this person. I saw the other side of them in their off time: depressed, miserable and unappreciative of everything in their life. Yet, as soon as they met up with someone, WOOOO HOOOO, the fun person was back.....

It's incredibly superficial and deceiving. Not to mention, exhausting.

5 hours before my father died, he was still cracking jokes. I realize this was most likely for our sake (so we didn't remember him for how he looked), but I wished he could have just felt it was okay to be himself. When people reminisce about him they all default to stating how funny he was...but he was so much more than that. He was such an amazing person, but his humour was what people saw first and foremost. This, as well as other reasons..made me say "screw it". I don't want to feel like I am on stage all of the time. I would rather have great conversation, and find out what makes people tick. I love to sit in the corner at a party and spend the night speaking to one interesting person, than to sit there..... waiting...... looking for my perfect in.....and creating something funny to say in the midst of group conversation.

I once had a boss that never let anyone see anything but the patient, happy, fun side of her. Even when a customer tore her to shreds, she would smile and pretend that it didn't bother her. After about a year or so of this behaviour, she broke one day. I was soooooooo relieved to see this side of her, because it made her human in my eyes.

I want to see all sides of the important people in my life. The funny side, the angry side, the nurturing side, the vulnerable side, the patient side, the crazy side, and the intelligent side. Humans are not one dimensional people. I have the greatest respect for people that are able to be who they are with me.

I would rather be remembered for being "present" in someone's life than being the class clown.

After all, life is all about conversation, good food, good wine, and your friends/family.

So far, my life is chock-full of the above, so I am ahead of the game. That, my friend, is something to smile about.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Today was 35 degrees celcius, without the humidex. Add that nasty humidex in smoggy Toronto, and it was up near 40 degrees.

I am convinced that the heat makes people grouchy. They are irritable and pushy when it's hot and muggy out.

I worked my second job tonight, at St. Mike's College School downtown. I had to set up four mini fields on a football field...I merely had to walk around the field and set up pylons. I thought I was going to die. I was sweating like a madwoman. I watched 8 teams run around in the heat, taking extra water breaks to survive their games. I had to simply walk my fat ass around a field and yet I almost fell asleep on the sidelines. I don't know how construction workers do it. Honestly. The EMS must be so busy in weather like this, picking up old people that are suffering from heat stroke, or dying. Homeless people tend to drop like flies during heat waves.

I was chatting with a guy at work today who was complaining about some of the bus drivers in Toronto. He was pissed that some of them (that are likely from the islands originally), tend to leave the air conditioning off, since they feel the heat is normal. Meanwhile, the passengers leave puddles of sweat at their feet as they exit the bus. Couple that with someone pressing up on you, and you pretty much want to punch them in the back of the head. Hence, the bad mood factor.

All of these issues probably contribute to the grouchiness of the city. I also notice, personally, that I can't concentrate at work when it's this hot out. I just want to go home and nap on the couch. It saps the energy from my core.

Tomorrow it is going to be 35 again. +40 with the humidex. When I lived in Calgary, I could deal with the hot days. They were bearable. Toronto's are not. They are guh-roe-owce.

Hopefully this lets up. Otherwise I will be spending the whole long weekend on my couch, eating bonbons, drinking iced tea.

That actually doesn't sound too bad, now that I think about it.

Where Do The Weekends Go?

It seems like yesterday was Friday, and here I am on Sunday at 11:45, dreading having to work tomorrow. I normally wouldn't dread going to work, but I made a huge mistake this season with my part-time job. I took Mondays, Tuesdays AND Wednesdays. Therefore, I work straight through from Monday morning until late Thursday night. No "me" time. No time to recharge my batteries. I feel a little run ragged.

When I do have an evening at home, I can't help but sleep on the couch for hours on end. My body is exhausted. I need to start incorporating exercise into my day to day life, to create more energy.

In two weeks, it will be the first anniversary of the death of a friend of mine from high school. I usually deal well with death, but in this case I am not dealing well with it at all. It doesn't make any sense to me. No sense at all. She was much too young, and had one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met to this day. There is no reason that someone should pass away from cancer at 34. I don't know why I didn't maintain close contact with her after high school either, considering I am usually a person that takes extra steps in keeping up with all of my friends. I didn't make it to her funeral last year, so I will be partaking in some family ceremonies this year. It will be good to see her family and some long lost friends from high school.

The saying "bad things happen to good people" couldn't be more accurate in this case.

I had a dream the other night that she was alive, and we bumped into each other somewhere. I remember hugging her and not wanting to let go, as though I knew what her fate would be. That totally fucked me up for a few days.

Sorry for such a downer posting.

On a good note, this past weekend was great. I went to my friend's Mom's 65th Birthday party in Alliston. I also met up with some friends that I made while working at Dell Computers in 1998. That was a blast. It was like no time had passed, although I hadn't seen them in 6 years.

To conclude, I am posting the link to one of my favourite websites. I stumbled across this site a few years back....and fell in love with these bunnies. It used to be just a few, with The Exorcist being my favourite. She has added so many more movies since then - Napoleon Dynamite being the most recent. LOVE THIS SITE!

The Facebook Phenomenon

I am the first to admit that I love Facebook. It allows you to keep up on the lives of your friends' without putting much effort into the whole thing. You can capture a snapshot of their life through their profile. It's quite convenient.

However.

The odd time I get a "friend request" that makes me shake my head.

I don't "hate" many people. There have been a few people over the years that have crossed/denigrated me, and I subsequently have no respect for them. There are others that I steer clear from because they have no morals or values. A few of these people have attempted to add me as a friend. You would think, that when hitting the "add as a friend" button, they would be a little hesitant...and maybe add a little note saying that the past is the past...but nooooo, they just hit the button and expect me to add them back. Sorry, but that's not going to happen. It's as though Facebook grants them instant forgiveness.

Can a leopard change his spots?

The older I get, I realize that the answer is no. If they were an adult and deceived me in one way or another, I am not going to smile and allow them to do it again (something vicious or detrimental, not something innocent). As an adult we are conscious of our decisions and are responsible for our actions. If they are a kid, then they probably haven't learned any life lessons yet...so they deserve a second chance.

Now allow me to get to the reason that I blogged this entry in the first place.

As I said before, I don't hate many people. There is one person that I would consider punching in the throat if I stumbled across them in public. This person singlehandedly treated me like shit, not once, but twice. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There WILL NOT be a thrice. I loathe her. When I tell people the story of what occurred between us, they are appalled. When I think back to how I handled the situation, I believe that I handled it to the best of my ability at the time. This said person, added me last night as a friend. I must have spent 10 minutes looking at the words on the screen. I was dumbfounded, but she is the type of person that probably assumes that she has forgiven ME and that she is extending the olive branch. Last I checked, my branch was olive-free.

Some people are stupid, plain and simple.

A few years ago, a woman that I worked with in social services, told me that I am a high-maintenance person. I assumed she meant physically, but she actually meant mentally. She said that I am high maintenance when it comes to people and friends. I responded by saying that I expect a certain type of behaviour with friends, and that I won't put up with any crap. She said that some people are incapable of meeting those expectations. I reciprocated that if that is the case, they are not trying. If they truly believe that about themselves (cop-out), then I really don't have the time to waste on them.

People on Facebook should be more selective. Don't just litter your friend list with numbers.

Be discriminatory.

If you don't stand for anything, you will fall for everything.

The Joy of Unemployment

I was surfing the internet and stumbled across this.

It struck me as funny for some reason.

Enjoy.

News Anchors Lose it on Air

Thanks Laurelle for sending this to me and making my night. I laughed my ass off, all by myself at home, on a Friday night. My neighbours must have wondered what the hell was going on.....

Holy Crappola

I think this week has been the worst week I have had in a long time. I have had enough crap happen in the last two days, that it constitutes having a brutal week, even though there are 5 days left in it.

I won't go into details, but honestly, things need to start looking up.

I'm actually starting to consider finding a boyfriend, for the sole reason of having a dual income. Not really, but pretty fucking close.

Kaziah Hancock

This woman has such a beautiful soul.

Very inspiring.

"Kindness is a virtue, and on a ranch in Utah, compassion is an art."

Relationship Status

I heard through the grapevine last week that my friend in Calgary, Paul (or Uncle Paulie, as we like to call him), has a girlfriend.

Not only does he have a girlfriend, he has had this said girlfriend for at least 2 months.

When was I going to hear this from the horse's mouth I wonder? Let's sit and wonder together.

I have had hundreds of conversations with him about how to meet people, dating in today's world, etc. Even after a colossal amount of discussions....I have to hear about this through third parties.

Shame on you Uncle Paulie.

I am very happy for you, but shame on you.

I want you to comment below and explain to my readers why you have become so secretive. Details please.

It's In You To Give

So, today I gave blood for the first time ever.

I'm 35.

One of the reasons I have never done so before... although I am embarrassed to admit this....is because I am a big baby when it comes to blood. I am getting better as I get older, but when I see blood pumping through a tube, or the bag attached to that teeter-totter thing....I'm toast. I have no idea where this issue comes from either. My whole family isn't like me. When an operation is shown on T.V, I have to look away. When I watch a movie that is graphic, I look away. Silly, I know.

Bob Beneteau, my friend's father, was asked what he wanted for his birthday this past Monday. His answer was that he wanted everyone that is close to him to donate blood. I spent most of my teenager years and my twenties at his house, so this pertained to me. He has received several bags of blood over the last couple of years, as he has had complications with the rare form of cancer that he has been fighting. He wants to give back. How could I say no to something like that? There were 4 of us donating today, with another 5-6 people donating at different locations in his honour. He was there supporting us today - and became emotional when he started to tell a stranger the story as to why we were all donating together. He was quick to say that this birthday present is one of the best ones that he has received to date.

It turns out that I was a little dehydrated and needed to replenish my fluids before they allowed me to donate. I sat at the goody table and drank some water. I met a woman that was excited to have received her donation pin to signify her 75th donation. 75! I was dumbfounded. She donates every 56 days, religiously. She told me that her father and her used to donate together a few times a year until he died. She has continued the tradition in his absence. She was genuinely excited for me to donate this first time.

As I was on the donation bed, I made conversation with the nurse to take my mind off things. She told a story of a man that comes in every 2 months to donate at that same location. She mentioned that he is so uncomfortable with the process that he is in a "zone" and stares ahead......you can't make conversation with him because he just wants the whole thing to end.

This same man has donated over 300 times.

My sister has had one or two blood transfusions with complications with her first birth...my father was in and out of hospitals for 15 yrs and must have been given several bags of blood as well. It's such a simple thing to give. I would have lost my Dad decades earlier than I did, and I would have lost Laurelle 3 years ago if people weren't as generous with their donations.

I'm disappointed in myself for not having done this earlier, but it's better late than never.....

Is it in YOU to give?

Trust me, if I can do it, so can you.

Here is the link if you want to help.

My Condo

The condo association just launched a website that showcases all of the amenities in the building where I live.

I thought I would post the link so you can all see where I rest my head at night. It's an awesome building. I never want to leave.

www.concordepark.ca

We're in the Thick of Summer

Today, it has officially become summer to me.

This morning, standing in the heat of 32°C, I heard my first cicada. Nothing spells an Ontario summer like cicadas do. It brings me back to my childhood: lying in bed at 8pm, listening to other kids outside playing, with the cicadas singing in the background. Cicadas represent heat. They only arrive when the summer gets really, really hot. Up until recently I thought they were called "heat bugs".

I love the sound. It almost sounds like you are standing underneath live power lines.

Apparently there are a lot of different types of cicadas. After listening to about 20 sound bytes, this is the one that is closest resembles what they sound like (in Ontario at least).

Cicada is translated into German to mean "singing insect."

Not to be confused with (John) Secada, who was a singer in the late 80's.

Pregnant and Parenting Teens

As most of you know, I was the live-in mentor for a group home of pregnant and parenting teens from 2002-2005. I started the journey with hope and belief that these kids could succeed. I left with the jaded view that unless the teen has a good family backing them, they will fail. Funding for these programs were cut every year, and I found myself spinning my wheels. More and more kids were losing their kids to the government. I left that field of work feeling like a failure, although it wasn't necessarily a reflection of my abilities.

I was returning home after I had drinks with an ex on Friday. The bus that I grabbed travels through a low-income area. There was a teenage boy and girl on that bus, with a 20 month old. They were no more than 17 yrs old. There was a friend of theirs with them, who was annoying and immature...but the parents were astute, responsible and refrained from swearing during the whole trip. The father shocked me the most. He had a shaved head, a sleeveless shirt and long shorts. Had I seen him on the streets, I would have judged him to be a punk-ass teenager. He was very aware of his daughter - he would hold her back when the bus turned corners, would make sure she was happy, and was just a good, present father overall. At one point the girl bumped her head, and he grabbed her, got up and started to bounce her while talking quietly in such a loving, calm voice. I fell in love with this guy. I saw so many punk-ass fathers come by the house that I worked at - who would feign interest, until the girlfriend would jump into bed with them again. This kid seemed to have his priorities in check. They were arriving home on a Friday night before 9:30. His friend mentioned that they should feed her some Gatorade and the father was quick to tell him that he wouldn't feed his daughter drinks that are made of pure sugar - they would rot her teeth. He also made a phone call during the trip and spoke to his brother and warned him that he better not have his girlfriend over there as the father had house rules that he should abide by. He ended the phone call by saying "I just don't want you guys fighting again."

It was a refreshing ride home. They were mature teenagers, that seemed to make the proper decisions. I hope they succeed with raising their daughter. I know there are teenagers out there that can succeed. It's just a shame that I personally didn't witness any in my time as a mentor.

Eating ShMEATing

An update on my quest of eating better:

I have successfully limited myself to eating red meat and chicken wings once a month. I don't crave either of them very often, so I guess that is a good sign. I carried over my May's red meat to June's, since I didn't crave it in May. I was at my company's AGM, which I organized and ran - and found myself sitting at the luncheon eating lasagna (which I chose from the catering menu). It wasn't until a coworker came over to me and asked if there were vegetarian selections...that I looked at my meal and thought SHIT! I'm eating meat! There went my May's selection down the tubes. What a waste.

I'm still working on making better choices. Even though I am not eating fast food or going to restaurants a quarter as much as before, my snacking is getting in the way. I need to make better choices, and need to figure out when I am hungry vs. when I am bored.

I'm lighter than I have been in a year, but I am far from my goal. I still walk down 20 flights of stairs every day, and do more walking since I take transit everywhere. I feel great, but I could feel better. Standby for my next update.

Oh, kudos to my sister, Laurelle, who has taken off 20 lbs recently. She started walking everyday with her kids in a running stroller. It's come off easily. She looks great. Keep it up, Ral.

Debra Live @ Spirits'

I LOVE THIS WOMAN.
I first saw her on Comedy Central a year and a half ago when I was down in the dumps. She strikes a chord in me - her execution, her material, everything - just makes me laugh. I don't find many stand-up comedians funny either.

I hope she wins "Last Comic Standing." She's incredible!

The Toronto Zoo

If you recall, in one of my older posts, I mentioned the things that I wanted to do over the next two years in Ontario. The Toronto Zoo was one of them.

I went to the Zoo two days ago. I was a little hesitant since the last Zoo I visited was the Calgary Zoo, which pissed me off to no end. A good quarter of the land that it sits on is reserved for this ridiculous prehistoric park, which contains imitation statues of dinosaurs. The other 75% of the park jam-packs the animals into these small pens. It immediately elevates my blood pressure when I see stuff like that. The giraffe and elephant pens were so tiny, they couldn't move around properly. I refused to go back after my first visit. I was afraid that my memory of the Toronto Zoo wasn't accurate - because I didn't recall the animals not having space to roam.

I was pleasantly surprised. Each animal had the appropriate space to play and walk (with the exception of the otter....just because they are small, they should still have some room?) The terrain and placement of the zoo is more acceptable as well. It seems that although you are in Scarborough, you are far away from the noises and hustle of the big city. The admission was $20, but I wasn't totally upset handing that over since I know it goes to the upkeep of the grounds/animal care. I can stomach that.

By the end of the day my feet were KILLING me. The zoo paths are a total of 10 kms - you walk that distance if you want to see all of the animals. . ..that was a good sign to me. It is spread out because the animals have their own space.

Rating? 8/10

(1 point was lost due to me losing $3.50 in the pop machine - mother of pearl!)

Stupid Frosh

I have to keep reminding myself that I am no longer in Calgary, where there is no humidity.

Today was the best example of this.

It was our year-end staff party. Schools have let out for the most part, and our AGM is over, so we decided to go golfing and have a BBQ at a coworker's house in Mississauga.

I was dumb. I left this morning without eating breakfast, or filling my water bottle. We got stuck on the 401 which put us behind schedule, so I couldn't ask my coworker/driver to stop so I could grab some cash to buy some water. We arrived and it was FUCKING HOT at 10:22 a.m. We started the round and I took every opportunity to stand in the shade during the day. I carried my clubs, versus pulling them. I golfed horribly.

NOT ONCE did a drink cart drive by. NOT ONCE was there a water station at any of the holes. The temperature got up to 34 degrees - 41 degrees with the humidex. SWELTERING. I don't think I have felt that thirsty before EVER. We finished our 9 holes, and proceeded to go to Mac's where I bought a water (710mls) and drank it in 30 seconds. I treated my coworker to a small slurpee - and I grabbed one too. I was STILL thirsty after that. As we were driving up to the house where the BBQ was, I started to feel ill. My stomach was churning, and my head was a little off. I walked through the door and asked to use the bathroom.

Keep in mind that I have never been to this house, or met his wife, etc. He's a wonderful guy - volunteers for OFSAA and has done so for decades. He's a well respected man in Ontario high school sports.

I walk to the bathroom and then it hit me. I'm going to poo my pants. I'm going to pass out. I'm going to puke. I was on my knees, then back up on the toilet, then back on my knees. I soaked through my shirt with cold sweat and then hot sweat. I was a MESS. The nausea was insane. Ringing in my ears. MAN, what a horrendous 20 minutes. After I composed myself, I walked downstairs and everyone looked at me and told me to sit down, as I must have been white. It was at this point that I met the wife and felt like a jackass.

"Hi, I'm Meredith. Do you mind if I expel every ounce of fluid from my body in your bathroom?"

She was very understanding. There was so much food that looked delicious but the thought of ingesting it was sickening. Eventually my colour came back and I could be social. When I returned home, I slept for 4 hours, trying to get rid of my throbbing headache.

The moral of the story, is that I am no longer in the west. I have to pay special attention to hydrating myself properly. I'm no longer 15. I am not invincible. The humidity quotient in Ontario is new to me again and I need to be smart about it.

I learned a valuable lesson, as it could have been worse. Instead of heat illness, it could have been heat stroke. Thankfully, I am still alive to talk about it.

I refuse to be stupid again. Over my dead sexy body.

An OFFS-ome School Year

The last few weeks at work at OFSAA have been exhausting and time consuming. I have been preparing and organizing our AGM which took place last week between Wednesday and Friday. Over 80 teacher-coaches and volunteers attended these meetings from all throughout Ontario. This event sucked a lot of my work energy over the last month; making sure everyone had the proper documents and literature upon their arrival. I can now consider myself the queen of mail merges. The AGM went well, the food was fantastic, and there were no hiccups (the spell check is telling me that it's spelled "hiccoughs"). When the meetings were done and I wrote the last comment for the 8 thousand meetings I took minutes for - it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My zits and my red, swollen eyes from zero sleep can now dissipate.

Halle-effen-lujah. Schools let out this week, work will slow down, and I can catch up on things without the phones ringing, emails dinging and couriers requesting signatures. I still love working for OFSAA. When you attend these meetings you realize that there are thousands of teachers that give their time and energy to coaching kids while making sure they are heading in the right direction. It's quite amazing. They are such a wonderful group of giving, selfless people.

Tomorrow I have my year end staff golf and BBQ party. Should be fun. It's in Mississauga.

I hate having to rely on people for rides now. Nicole, how do you do it? It's easy within the city, but anything outside the transit lines is a big pain in the arse.

In a week my friends' Jamie and Annette are visiting the big smoke. Jamie's two kids live in Burlington, so I get custody of Annette for 3 days. I will hook her up with a bulletproof vest and teach her the ropes of living in a big city. Don't make eye contact. Don't stare. Don't stand too close to the yellow line in the subway. People won't stop for you when you jaywalk. I'm just kiddin, although she is from a small town in Saskatchewan. For all of you Ontarians reading this, here is a little geography lesson. It's pronounced Saskatche-WIN, not WAN. I learned that very quickly when I moved out west. I'm looking forward to showing her the city (if you're interested in coming out with us one night to tie one on, let me know. I'm craving long islands).

Anyhow, hope everyone is well. Talk soon.

Ta.

Squirrel Poop Myth Debunked

LOL

My friend Annette found this for me. Hilarious. Thanks Nettles!

Poozled

I've seen....

Bear poo
Dog poo
Cat poo
Bird poo
Elk poo
Deer poo

I've even seen fish poo.

Which makes me think:

What ever happened to squirrel poo? Do they poo? There are thousands of them, and I can't say I have ever noticed them pooing, or leaving poo behind.

Strange, non?

Summer Peeves

Summer Peeve #1

If you insist on wearing flip-flops, please lift your frickin' feet. Why is it that people think it's okay to drag them? What are you - Neanderthals? Actually, this goes for normal shoes as well. You lift your foot, move it forward, and then plant it. Repeat. Not hard.

Summer Peeve #2

I convene floor hockey and volleyball on Wed and Thursday nights. Most of my job consists of watching the games. Easy money. Part of watching the games means watching the people. Part of watching the people consists of noticing what they wear. The problem here, is that some women think it's okay to wear Lululemon, when they obviously shouldn't. They buy the XL size, and squeeze their asses and guts into these skimpy little racer-back tight tops and calf cut-out tights. It is NOT pretty.

I'm heavy myself...and I would NEVER consider squeezing into this stuff. Some women will wear the tights and then wear a long t-shirt over top. Newsflash. You're not fooling anyone. A pair of long shorts, or a pair of nylon pants will do the job Sunshine.

Same goes for those annoying shorts/white trash pants with the words across the ass. They should only be worn by university kids. Once you are 30+, and 70 lbs fatter, it's time to retire them. Especially when your ass is so big that there is room for a whole sentence, instead of a word like "sexy".

It's okay to be heavy. Just dress the part, people. Dress the part.

MY GOODNESS

I was flipping through the channels on Saturday- started to watch Amityville Horror (the remake) on the movie channel. I found myself drooling over Ryan Reynolds.

I just couldn't turn it off.

He is perfection.

See for yourself:

































THIS MAN IS PERFECTION. I have never seen a nicer body. EVER.

I'd watch the movie over and over again, just to see the scene where he is in his soaked pajama pants. Never mind that he was psycho. That's irrelevant.

Other Bloggers

Two of my fellow bloggers wished me a Happy Birthday in their blogs. I'm starting to feel like a local celebrity.

See for yourself!

Nicola

Alistair

What the Heck Happened to the Drive-In?

When did the drive-in turn from a semi-cool place to go.....to a haven of white trash/inbred people?

Seriously. You should go. For the mere entertainment /people-watching value.

I thought Oakville was an affluent community....apparently there are some hidden trailer parks that no one knows about. Actually, I am stereotyping, because they were all in Honda Odysseys, Toyota Siennas and SUV's. Cheapest car or van was about $40,000. Very odd.

Now let's talk about the "facilities". Most people have a fear of heights, or a fear of bugs, or snakes.....I, my friends, have a fear of toilets.

I don't like using toilets that are missing water. This includes buses, planes, trailers, port-a-potties, or camping vault toilets. I would rather go outside behind a tree. I have flown about 100 times and I have yet to use the lavatory. I will stop drinking water before the flight so I never have to go.

I need to establish "toilet trust". Before I use a toilet at a friend's house, I need to know if it has ever overflown. If it has, I use the one that hasn't.

I always close the toilet seat, because I don't want to see it flush. If the water comes up too high, it freaks me out.

I don't know where this neurosis started - but I remember being very young and refusing to use my aunt and uncle's toilet in their trailer. Hmmmmmmm. Things are starting to come full circle with this entry.

ANYHOW.

The bathroom was HORRIFIC in this place.I doubt any staff member has ever cleaned a toilet, washed the floor, or stepped foot inside that washroom. The rubber floor boards were all peeling down onto the floor, exposing the glue behind them. I think the smell in there was the cause. If anyone has seen the movie Trainspotting, you can start to imagine what I am talking about.

















Ok...well it wasn't that bad. But it was bad by North America's standards.

Once we were outside in the car, eating crap...and by crap, I mean deliciousness.....it was a fun night. My date, Andrea, fell asleep halfway through the movie, but I couldn't blame her since it was Shrek the 3rd. Other options were Spiderman 3 (gay) or Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (shoot me in the face).

I'd go again, but I would make sure to pee somewhere else before I pay my admission. I would also choose to see a non-kid movie. I would try the drive-in downtown at the Docks too. Um, and I would bring a boy. Any takers?

On a Lighter Note

The weather lately has been my saviour. It's been sunny and beautiful all month. Today was 24 degrees, and tomorrow is supposed to be 30!

It'll be nice to actually have 6 months of summer again. I heard that it was snowing in Calgary this past weekend....I can't even imagine.

I can't even IMAGINE.

For my birthday, I have asked my friend Andrea to go to the drive-in movie with me....being that I don't have a car and all. I haven't been to a drive-in for at least 10 yrs....it was one of my favourite things to do back in the day. You eat crap in your car, roll down your windows, and watch a few great movies through your car stereo. It's awesome, and I am looking so forward to it. When the weather is hot, it adds to the good experience.

Can't wait.

I'm almost 35.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

If you listen carefully....

You can hear......

My eggs drying up.

I'M ANGRY

I'm disgusted today. How many people really need to open fire in a school before someone does something about it? What the hell do we do though? If you ban guns, people can still get them....

It's sad- really sad. Kids are becoming monsters, and a place that should be safe, such as a classroom, is no longer safe anymore. One kid can ruin so many things. They can rob the others of their innocence, their educational experience, and of their basic feeling of safety. They have to carry around that experience forever now.

All because one asshole is either trying to get media notoriety, or is riding on the coat tails of the others before him.

Sickening.

Coke Commercial

I saw this commercial in a movie theatre last night - it's brilliant. And true.

Delicious. Mouthwatering. Tempting. Palatable. Meat.

I can't do it.

I can admit my defeat.

I've lasted 2 months.

Although cutting out red meat has helped my bowels (too much info?), I crave it like crazy.

So, like my chicken wing rule, I am adopting a "once per month" red meat rule.

It's never healthy to do anything cold turkey :)

3 Going on 30

This little girl is soooo cute.

She desperately tries to explain herself to her Mom, and truthfully, she has a point!

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

So it's been 5 months since I have been home, and I think I just paid my last URGENT bill/expense from this move. That doesn't mean I have paid OFF the move, I just paid off the last bill FROM the move. I don't know what I am going to do next month, with actually having a few hundred dollars sitting in my account.

Just before I left Calgary, I had recently finished paying back the government $2400 for my taxes. I then decide to move.....things didn't get better, financially. Keep in mind, I work in the non-profit industry. Although I love what I do, I'm never going to own a Mercedes or a 6 bedroom house. You get my drift.

$1700.00 for the movers (still sitting on my credit card)
$350.00 gas and hotels on the way back
$180.00 Alberta Health to cover me during my Ontario Health waiting period
$200.00 Christmas gifts
$350.00 extra mileage for the car
$200.00 new windshield to pass inspection
$240.00 new tires to pass inspection
$130.00 stupid fucking dentist bill from Calgary, don't even get me started on this one

So as you can see, it's been a never-ending trail of bills. It's definitely been a learning experience for me. I never used to deny myself anything I wanted. Now, I actually dread going to the bank machine, or looking at my statements, etc. I used to drop $600 a month leasing, insuring, and putting gas in my car - now, the idea of dropping $97 a month for a bus pass overwhelms me. Brutal. For those that know me well, you've probably never seen this side of me. I'm usually generous and love to spend and live the good life.

Next month? I am treating myself to something. Maybe a new pair of Keen sandals that I have wanted for over a year? Check them out. Niiiiiice eh? (if my sister Laurelle is reading this, I know you'll think they are ugly so don't answer that question).

















They are kind of pricey, but man. I deserve it. I think I may even splurge and join some sort of sport. Volleyball? Fastball? The possibilities are endless. I need to get back in the rat race. I feel too isolated. All work and no play makes Mer a dull beeootchh.

p.s

I went for my monthly fix of wings last night and drank a pitcher of beer with them. It was absolutely, stupendously, amazingly, orgasmic.