The Video

Rainer made this video - love the song! It was one of June's favourites.

I can't tell if the pictures should be blurry for an artistic quality or whether there was a mistake with the preparation of the video....it was done on a MAC?

Enjoy.

Lovin' This Style...

I can't wait for my hair to grow to this length to see if I can pull off this style. I know I am not half as gorgeous as her, but man, she works this style to the bone!

Movie Blog...

I've been so negligent with updating my movie review website.

Tonight I updated it very quickly, although I was remembering movies in the wrong order..so it's a bit of a mess. It was hard to really review the movies since it had been so long. I'll try to be better at doing this.

The link is to the right of this entry ------------------------------->

Two Weeks Later.....

Ok so technically, it's 13 days.

Thoughts about my hair being shaved..

• The morning routine is awesome. 20 minutes from waking up..... to being out the door.
• Could I possibly have any more cowlicks? One in the back, two in the front, and one on the top of my head. Not pretty.
• I think I look younger, although my hair is grayer than I am used to displaying. I think my natural colour amongst the gray helps with making my face look softer too.
  
• How did I look like Mr. Ed for so long? Why didn't anyone tell me my hair was horrible?
• I have been wearing much more make-up than I have ever worn. Eye liner, eye shadow and a darker shade of red on my lips, topped with gloss, of course. You have to look more like a girl with no hair.
• Not one person in public has commented to me about the ribbon shaved into the back of my head. I find this odd.
• I borrowed a friend's reallllllly powerful vacuum a week before the shave. I deep vacuumed (is that possible?) my apartment and got rid of TONS of hair and dust. Usually I would have to vacuum or dust-bust my bathroom or under my coffee table a few times a week. I haven't done it ONCE. It's wonderful. I haven't had to clean out my shower drain either.
• I STILL try to take out my hair clip/tie at night, as I am sitting on the edge of my bed. Old habits die hard.
• Today I got hat head for the first time. It's growing in like crazy - you can hardly see the ribbon anymore.
• I will be keeping it short(ish) from now on. I can't deal with long hair anymore.

Should I stay gray, or go back to dying my hair? Discuss.

Gushing

This may seem like a cheesy post, but I just want to tell you all that you are the best friends and family that a girl can have.

You've all been so supportive and I feel like hugging each and every one of you.

I often wonder who I would still talk to if it weren't for blogging, facebook and email. Probably...about 5 of the 25 that I currently make an effort to stay in contact with.

I remember being in university and writing letters to my friends, putting a stamp on it and running downstairs to mail it at the main residence office. It took much more effort to maintain contact with one another back then.

Anyhow, thanks again to all of you. I'm serious when I say that you are all exemplary people. Keep on, keeping on.

$20,000 RAISED?!?!?!?!?!

Thank goodness it's over.

I couldn't eat at all the day before or the day of the gala. When I did eat something it went RIGHT through me. It was ugly.

U-G-L-Y.

Andrea, a good friend, made a giant cheque out of various Walmart stationary items...for the amount that was donated. It was perfect. My best friend, Lesley, delivered my speech for me, as I sat in the chair.

It was suggested to the planners, by Andrea, that before the shaving began, people should have the opportunity to come up on stage and cut a piece of my hair off for charity. I swear, about 50 people came up and donated for that opportunity. We went from $17,220, to about $18 and change? I don't even know. What I DO know, is that my friend Suzie, and her husband, topped it up to make $20,000 dollars!!!

Unbelievable.

The night was amazing. I saw tons of old friends from high school, I danced, I chatted A LOT, and just had a grand time. I felt good.

I've been getting a few odd looks out in public, but who cares, right?

RIGHT.

The good news is that I have a normal shaped head.

The bad news is that I am grayer than I thought.

Once again, who cares, right?

RIGHT.

Pictures are below, for your viewing pleasure. Click on the pictures for larger versions.


















The "before" shot. Seconds before sitting in the chair.....





















Two hairdressers, my best friend Lesley, and June's husband, Rainer.



















Here we go!


















With my friend (and fellow ukulele player), Sonya















It was a high school reunion, with Rainer of course. Yes, I went to an all-girls school...

Below: the cancer ribbon was shaved into the back of my head. I requested this, as another friend of mine shaved her head for cancer and suggested I do this to cut down on the remarks I'll get in public.

Baldy McBalderson

I was okay for a month.... up until today.

Appetite is off.

I feel out of sorts.

I don't think it's the actual hair part...because my hair is style-less and unhealthy. It's more the part where I have to sit in front of 150 people while my hair is shaved off. Although many people may think the opposite, I really don't like to be the centre of attention. Maybe back in the day, but as I get older, I just want to sit in the corner and examine everyone else in the room. Take in the atmosphere, you know?

I will post a photo or two when this ordeal is done.

Originally I was supposed to tape my speech so that it could be played during the head shave, while I am up on stage. Instead, I asked my best friend Lesley to read my speech while it is getting shaved. She has this unbelievable gift for public speaking...so I have nothing but the utmost confidence that she will do a phenomenal job.

Wish me luck? Off to sleep......my last night with hair. Time to throw out the hair ties and curl serums, gels, hairsprays and dyes...

As I Get Older, I Lose Brain Cells

There were two incidents this week that restored my faith in humans. First was the cleaning blitz on Friday...where I witnessed about 500 people out picking up garbage. This was an initiative that the mayor supported where people go outside for 20 minutes and pick up garbage. It was an amazing thing to see. The second is when I saw two people give up their seats on the TTC. You'd think this was a normal thing to see, but honestly...no one is that astute or unselfish. I've seen little old ladies standing in front of punk-asses that are seated. Disgusting.

This past week I was at my company's AGM. I run the event for 80-100 people....this is a huge undertaking. HUGE. I never sleep the week of the event, and when I do, I end up dreaming all about what could or has already gone wrong.

I got through the week and then suffered from a 2 day massive headache.

I ordered these cool pewter key chains for the event since it was our 60th anniversary and this is the last year of using our present logo......

On my way to Mountain Equipment Coop yesterday, I was on the bus...and decided to do some moving around of personal items. I removed my work pass card and my building pass card from my key chain ring, and placed them into my Metropass wallet thingamabob. Then I added the cool key chain to the ring with my other keys. As I was doing this, I was dying of heat, so I stood up and opened the window. I finally got to the store, bought some items and then walked back to the subway. Wallet thing was gone. GONE.

Bus pass. Gone.
Building pass card. Gone.
Work pass card. Gone.
Zip Card. Gone.

It must have been on my lap when I stood up to open that fucking window. I even looked back when I was getting off the bus and didn't see anything...but this is probably because I was sitting on the back wheel well. If it slipped off my lap, it would have fallen down the front of the wheel well onto the floor in the aisle ahead of me.

Tomorrow I will go to the lost and found. Who actually thinks it will be there? If it IS there, I will be impressed. I don't even care about the bus pass part. I just want the pass cards. They are costly to replace.

So is my brain. I'm going to have to replace that soon too because it has been failing me lately. The part that pisses me off, is that I had JUST moved the passes over to that wallet seconds before. If I had just left them ALONE, I'd still be travelling the city with my damn pass. Instead, I had to buy tokens for the rest of the month.

Dumb. Ass.

The last dumb ass move I made was around the time that my dad died. I withdrew $100 from the bank machine and walked away. Problem was...I never took the money with me. Went back and..surprise-surprise. It was gone.

Maybe it's a reminder that I need to slow down....who knows.

If you are reading this and have done something really stupid lately, please comment about it. I need to know that I am not the only dumb ass around.

World's Strongest Dad

I dare you to watch this video and not be in tears a minute in.

What a phenomenal man.

Psssstttttt

Ok so someone, and I won't mention any names.....[coughLaurellecough].... has been nagging me to update this. Apparently it's been 13 days or something since my last post.

I decided to discuss an issue that I see every single day living in my building. In the mornings I take the stairs down, since I don't want to have to deal with everyone's annoying habits, such as some able-bodied person taking the elevator from the second floor to the ground floor. Talk about fucking lazy. It's 10 stairs. Or, how some people don't even make eye contact with you when you get on, as though it would be the most difficult thing to smile or even say hello.

However.

The WORST thing is when someone stands by the control panel in the elevator and makes sure that they are pressing the "close doors" button before you even step over the gap of the doors to exit. Let's think about this, honestly. Say there are 3 people on the elevator and the two people ahead of you are getting off the elevator before you. The amount of time that you are saving my pressing that fucking button is...about.....2 seconds per passenger. Multiplied by 2. Woo hooo, they saved a WHOLE 4 seconds. Drives me so insane that if I see someone doing that before I get off, that I press the UP button on the wall upon my departure, so that there is a delay.

Is life realllllly that fast-paced that people need to do that?

Unless, of course, you are having a poo-attack. In that case (from what I hear) it's okay to do that. Because 4 seconds can mean the difference between washing your jeans or not. So I heard.

Confession?

" Bless me Father for I haven't blogged; it's been 19 days since my last blog, and these are my thoughts."

You can take the girl out of the Catholic church, but you can't take the Catholic out of the girl, I guess.

So quite a bit has happened since the last entry.

Laurelle starts chemo today (Wednesday) and she will be having this treatment for 6 months. Her appetite is coming back slowly, but surely. The sweet tooth is coming back too - yah!

June is a friend from high school that I lost contact with once we graduated. I could kick myself, because she was such an amazing person. They say life shouldn' t be full of regrets but I regret that I lost contact with her and others from high school, every day. I have since reconnected with those that I missed, but I will never be able to enjoy June again, in person. Her husband is organizing a gala for her, to raise money for cancer research. I decided to go, and have been trying to sell tickets on his behalf.

Here is the link:

I have decided to shave my head in support of both her and June, and to raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society. I would have shaved it just for Laurelle, but I wanted to help more than that. I have amazing people in my life and they have been more than willing to help out. Cancer seems to have touched almost everyone's life lately. Every day I hear about someone that has lost a parent, sibling, grandparent or friend to cancer. I'm hoping that in 20 years, our kids will be talking about cancer like we talk about the plague or polio. I hope it's something that has a cure or a vaccine. It's such a terrible disease.

Anyhow, as I was trying to figure out WHEN I was going to shave my head, I thought it would be cool to maybe have it done at June's Gala. As I thought about it, I started to think that it wasn't such a cool idea since it was taking away from it being her night. I didn't want to make it about me, even though I was raising awareness and money. My Facebook status that night stated that I had decided to go ahead with the head shave. The next morning, June's husband, Rye, had emailed me to ask if I would do it at the gala. It was almost meant to be. He said that I know as well as he does, that June would be all over this idea. She wasn't much for the spotlight and always wanted others to shine.

How could I say no?

So, I made a goal of $3000 and set up this website less than a week ago. I am already up to $1900. The support has been tremendous.

People keep asking me if I am nervous... but I am not. At all. I actually can't wait for it to come off. I just need to invest in some cool hats for work to draw the attention away from my head in public. Other than that, take it all off. I'm ready. I'm not even sure that I will dye my hair again after this. It's so damaged from 6 years of dye. Time for a rest. I'm nervous to find out how grey I am though!

I spoke to a friend named Shannon who shaved her head 4 months ago (for cancer) and she gave me some tips, so I am well prepared. The most important tip is to have the cancer ribbon symbol shaved into the back of my head....this way strangers will know why you have chosen to shave your head.

Personally, I will be telling people that I shaved it off due to having the worst possible case of head lice. I love to see reactions, so that will be a bit of fun, non?

Here is the website for the head shave. Please donate if you haven't already. I thank you, Laurelle thanks you, and June would thank you if she was still here. She is probably looking down at us, smiling. When you look up the definition of "inspiration" in the dictionary, there should be a picture of her beside it.

Rye encouraged me by saying that even if I only raise a dollar, that is a dollar more than the Canadian Cancer Society had before I started this venture. Very true.

Assortment of Tings, Mahn

It's been a while since my last blog. Wow. Time flies. I am on my March break at work so I have really enjoyed this time off to clear my head.

I went to Ottawa for a 3 day weekend during the wickedest snowstorm of the year. I won an overnight at a hotel so Andrea and I went to gallivant. We spent an extra night there too. I like Ottawa - it's a beautiful city. We also spent a day shopping in Buffalo. I was successful in NOT buying any shoes or jackets (my weaknesses). Instead, I bought 2 new bras that actually FIT me. And a pair of jeans. I bought 2 bras a few weeks ago as well. I learned that I was wearing the wrong size this whole time. I'm less of a cup and more around. Too much info? Now my girls feel as snug as a bug in a rug.

I had a deep tissue massage. I hurt for 2 days afterward because I was one big knot. My massage therapist is a GOD. I love her.

Saw Laurelle and the family on the way to Buffalo. Bought them McDonald's for lunch and hung for an hour or so. She's doing as well as can be expected. Results came back and all organs are free and clear - but one lymph node is still affected. She has an appointment with the oncologist on Monday to find out what the next course of action will be. I'm hoping they choose to remove it so that she doesn't have to worry about it. She is still really thin, as her appetite isn't back yet. I just want to fatten her up a bit. My mom has been there for a week or two so that makes me feel more comfortable. The kids are enjoying her and I even saw pictures of Joanie making snow angels with them outside! So awesome.

A month or so ago I joined eHarmony....and have been trying to correspond with some guys I have been matched with. I will have to make more of an effort to meet them if I want to be successful in this venture. Sounds so romantic eh?

And that, my friends, concludes the last 2 weeks.

Merde

p.s.

Someone commented on one of my blog entries recently and didn't leave a name. I added the comment, but I would really like to know who is leaving comments. It could be some weirdo for all I know...was it you?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I was just chatting with my mom on the phone and she was telling me what brand of bras she buys- I googled the bra style and this picture came up. This is NOT THE STYLE SHE WEARS, by the way. I have no idea why this was even returned in the results.

This is better than hilarious. Who would wear this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

It's reminiscent of guys in the 80's wearing the half-football shirts. The bottom picture is the best.

Man, that will keep me giggling for hours.

GOOD NEWS

LAURELLE IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 23 days in the hospital, she is home. Home care comes once a day to drain all bags of guck (again, proper medical terminology) and she finally has a nice, comfortable bed to sleep in.

Apparently her daughter, Avery, won't leave her side. She sat beside her all day and then followed her upstairs when Laurelle went for a nap and wouldn't go back downstairs. She stayed beside her in bed. Kids are so cute.

Joanie is going there to stay this Sunday so Greg can go back to work. It's been a long haul, but she has already done the hardest part.

Now we just need to fatten her up.

Green Grass and Cicadas

I am totally and completely.... sick-and-tired of winter.

Who's with me?

Tuesdeeeeeee

I haven't blogged about Ral for a whole 4-5 days, so here goes:

I visited her all weekend and yesterday. She is I.V free! Two collection bags are left and that's it. One bag to drain bile and the other bag to drain the blood and guts from her wound (yes, that is the medical terminology). She was given her first real meal yesterday (not the liquid kind) which consisted of a turkey sandwich. She could barely eat half of it. Some of her stomach was removed and the other parts aren't used to doing anything so it's almost like having gastric bypass. She can only eats bits and pieces of things because she gets full so quickly. The good news is that she is keeping things down and it's moving through her because she had a bowel movement! (she is soo going to kill me when she catches up on my blog). It's okay Laurelle, we all poo. No need to be ashamed.....

We are still waiting for the pathology from the surgery. It's only been what? 10 days? Why expect them to do something quickly for once? She does little walks down the hall, and they usually exhaust her. It will be a while before she regains the energy that she once had.

The nurses and her doctor have been amazing. I recommend that hospital completely. Wonderful, wonderful people.

Hopefully she will be released this week. Once she is, Joanie (mom) will be taking care of her. She has now been in the hospital for 22 days.

My friend Andrea hasn't asked for her car back, so for that, I am thankful. She is an amazing friend. Otherwise I don't know how I would have survived. It has been so convenient.

I hope you are all well.

Star Wars According to a 3 Year Old

This is very cute. It was weird to watch though because she looks just like my sister looked at that age.

Calls and Emails

Thanks to all of you who have emailed or called me. I have barely been home lately and have been working my arse off at work, so it's likely that I haven't responded.

Sorry about that - I do read the emails and appreciate the nice words.

Blogging is so great though. I can work out some stress by watching the words develop on the screen, and give info to friends without having to repeat myself 8 thousand times. Sometimes technology is great eh?

Turds Day

You know, every once in a while I think it would be nice to have a guy around. But I think my reasoning behind this is a tad messed up. Most women like a man to be around to be a companion, a father, someone that listens and dotes on them.....

It's at this time each year that my back gets dry and itchy. It would just be nice to be able to put cream on my back. I'm a simple girl. To walk over to him and say "can you lather me with lotion?"

And the problem would be solved.

TGTBT

I saw Ral yesterday and she seemed much better other than being exhausted after little trips to the bathroom, etc. Thankfully, the catheter was removed. Most tubes were out as well - just the saline and antibiotics remained. Oh and the epidural of course. They told her that if all goes well, she may be home by Sunday. I was shocked and upset by this as I didn't think she was ready for home. They had her on a liquid diet and there were no problems with that other than having some gas pain.

Today I called her and she sounded odd. When I asked what was up, she said that as soon as the epidural came out, she thought she was going to DIE. She said no other pain compared to what she felt. She was sweating like a pig and couldn't breathe. They tried a few pain medications and nothing worked, so they called the doctor and got an emergency prescription for morphine. As well, there was a complication with one of the tubes. Apparently her biliary ducts are backing up so a stent and bag were added for the bile to drain out. At least that's what I think she meant, as again, she was on morphine so she may have been a little fuzzy.

Anyhow, I'm sure things could be worse but this little setback discourages me a bit. I'm still hoping for the best.

Effen-Eh

WTF is with the QEW? Man, that highway SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I don't know how people do that commute everyday. I'd rather tweeze my nose hairs one by one than sit in that traffic to and from work.

Now, let's talk about Laurelle.

SHE IS AWESOME. The doctor figured out that the temperature was likely due to having the central line in too long, so he removed it. Temperature disappeared. Blood counts are rising slowly but surely. The biopsies haven't come back yet; likely Friday.

She had many visitors today - Joanie (mom), our Aunt Pam, her best friend Sandra and her husband Adrian, and Greg (Laurelle's husband). Then me. She was tired of entertaining when I got there so she rested and I read. I learned that I am a bit of a nerd. I tried reading Cosmo and had to put it down since it was so disgustingly simple and trashy. Instead I found a copy of Popular Science and was enamored by that magazine. Maybe I am a 14 yr old boy underneath, who knows. It's very cool, you should try reading it.

As I was visiting, they packed up her stuff and moved her to a normal room. This is a shame because the trach-dude was gone today and the room was finally sooooo quiet. He was transferred to Princess Margaret so that confirmed my suspicions as to why he was there in the first place. I feel better with her being taken care of in the close-observation room, however, her own room is a good sign. She seemed like herself today. The last few days have illustrated small glimpses into her old self, but today she was about 80% there.

They have removed her liquid food too (which was in her central line), which is a concern to me. When she eats ice-chips it gives her instant nausea, so I don't know how they are going to reintroduce food so soon. She hasn't really eaten in over 2 months. It's kinda like how on Survivor [I only watched one season] they starve them, and then they win some incentive game and gorge on food and get physically ill. You have to train your body to eat again. She kept asking me to give her the kidney-shaped-puke-cup, and each time I would hand it to her and leave the room. God, I am a suck. I could never have kids.

Her new roommate is a crazy lady, but the nurses keep her in the hall at all times. She's about 80 and tries to get out of bed and her chair and usually ends up on the floor. She keeps asking people to call her a taxi. It's a shame. When I left today, there she was, in the hall on her chair, peeing on the floor. Makes you really appreciate what you have. Seriously.

I am such a happy camper today. Laurelle is getting better and things are looking up. I'm hoping for positive biopsy results. I foresee her being in there for another week..and hopefully she regains her strength to start walking soon.

She reallllly wants to wash her hair, shave her legs and have a shower. At one point she said that she smells like a bum, but I didn't hear what she said and repeated: "you smell like your bum?" She started to laugh and held her stomach and said "how would I know what my bum smells like?" And I said..."we ALL know what our bum smells like."

And on that note, good night. It was a fantastic day.

The Tube Is Out

So the tube came out today, but they are still trying to figure out why her hemo levels keep falling, and why she keeps running a fever. Laurelle walked to and from the stretcher for a CT Scan and that just about depleted her daily energy. She had another unit of blood to raise the levels. Laurelle has always had blood issues. She is anemic and had to have a few blood transfusions when she gave birth both times. This part doesn't worry me, but the temperature thing does.

Once these things get sorted out she will feel better. Just having that tube out of her nose was a treat. Today was a bad day for me - kept getting dizzy and feeling like I was going to faint. I'm going to bed early to sleep it off. The dude with the trach-sounds wasn't helping. My stomach is so weak as it is. Big baby, I know.

I would like to know who is reading this blog - please leave a comment so that I know who is perusing it. It doesn't matter if I know you or not; I'm merely curious. If you wish to leave some well-wishes for Laurelle too, I will print them out and read them off to her when I see her tomorrow.

Night.

Sunday at Joseph Brant...

Laurelle looked better today, but more towards the end of the day. They tried to get her up to walk to the end of the bed and she almost fainted. They realized that her hemoglobin was low, so she was given a unit of blood to hopefully make up for the loss during her surgery. Her temperature was a little high too, but nothing drastic.

She is getting insanely irritated with the nasogastric tube [up her nose and into her stomach]. She was trying to cough up phlegm all day but the tube was in the way and had irritated her throat. She said it felt like she had strep. Her face would crumple up every time she swallowed or tried to cough up crap. The good news is that she is able to eat ice chips today. Baby steps. The surgeon visited her while I was in her cubicle and he said that she is doing well and that he may be able to remove the tube from her nose tomorrow. I think she will be a different person once that is gone.

As the day wore on, the colour returned to her face, which was a huge relief for me. Her cheeks looked rosy again instead of the pallor that she showed since the surgery.

Greg (husband) and Sandra (best friend) also visited briefly.

I don't know how she can manage to get any rest in that unit. She is in the close observation area which has 4 beds in one room and 2 nurses monitoring them at all times. One man had a kidney removed and is on morphine so he moans and groans and complains that people are hurting him (hallucinations, probably). The other lady had a bowel obstruction and was okay, but the dude beside Laurelle had a tracheotomy and it was constantly sucking crap out of his windpipe. I can't even describe the sound that it was making. Disgusting. Think the dentist, but multiplied by...oh I don't know....67668 thousand. I don't exactly know what is caught in his trachea but it was horrible to listen to. Poor Laurelle.

Anyhow, back tomorrow. After all, it's Family Day :)

Not Done Yet....

I found this online and it made me feel better that Laurelle is hitting all of the correct benchmarks. Although she didn't have pancreatic cancer, this operation did the trick. So, ignore all of the references to diabetes.

An excerpt:

Immediately after your operation

If you have had very major surgery to try to cure your cancer, you will probably wake up in intensive care or a high dependency recovery unit. This is nothing to worry about. These are places where you can have one to one nursing care. And your surgeon and anaesthetist can keep a close eye on your progress. As soon as your doctors are sure you are recovering well, you will move back to the ward.

When you wake up, you will have several different tubes in place. This can be a bit frightening. But it helps to know what they are all for. You will have

• Drips (intravenous infusions) to give you blood transfusions, and fluids until you are eating and drinking again
• Tubes into your neck and arms to measure your blood pressure
• One or more tubes coming out of your abdomen near your wound. These wound drains stop blood, bile and tissue fluid collecting around the operation site.
• A tube down your nose into your stomach (nasogastric tube) to drain it and stop you feeling sick
• A tube into your bladder (catheter) so that your urine output can be measured
• A fine tube into your back that goes into your spinal fluid (epidural) to help relieve pain

You may also have a blood pressure cuff on your arm and a little clip on your finger to measure your pulse. Keeping your blood pressure stable is very important after surgery to the pancreas. So, your nurses will measure your blood pressure very often for the first week or so. At first, they can monitor it through the tubes that go into your neck and arms. These go directly into your main blood vessels and give a more accurate measurement than a blood pressure cuff on your arm would. Your nurses will also check your urine output because it can help to show whether you have too much fluid or are becoming dehydrated.

You may have a couple of electronic pumps attached to your drips. One of these might have painkillers in it. You may have a hand control with a button to press to give yourself extra painkillers, as you need them.

If you have had major surgery to your pancreas, you may have another pump containing insulin. It is important that your insulin levels are kept within the normal range. Your nurse will test your blood insulin every hour or two at first. The pump will be set to give you just the amount of insulin you need.

Painkillers

You will almost certainly have pain for the first week or so. But there are many different pain-killing drugs you can have. There are also different ways of having painkillers. You can have them by mouth or by injection. Doctors can also give anaesthetic dugs into your spinal cord - this is called an epidural.

It is important to tell your doctor or nurse as soon as you feel any pain. They need your help to find the right type and dose of painkiller for you. Painkillers work best when you take them regularly so don't suffer in silence. If you have a button you can press to give yourself extra painkillers, do you use it whenever you need to. You can't overdose – the machine is set to prevent that. Do tell your nurse if you need to press the button very often. You may need a higher dose in the pump.

Eating and drinking

After surgery to any part of the digestive system, the bowel often stops working for a while. Until it starts up again, you will not be able to eat or drink.

If you have been ill for some time before your surgery, you may be very run down and malnourished. This is because the pancreas produces enzymes that help us digest our food. You may need extra help with nutrition to start with and may be given a white liquid called TPN through your drip. This stands for 'total parenteral nutrition'. It contains proteins, fats and carbohydrates that can be easily absorbed by the body.

Once your bowel starts working again, you will be able to try sips of fluids. Gradually the amount you are allowed to drink will increase. And soon you will be able to try other fluids as well as water. Once you are able to drink without being sick, your drip and nasogastric tube can come out.

Your wound

The wound from the operation will be covered up when you come round. It will be left covered for a couple of days. Then the dressings will be changed and the wound cleaned. The wound drains will be left in until they stop draining fluid. The bottles attached to them will be changed every day. Wound drains can usually be taken out about a week after your operation. This may be longer if there is any fluid leakage in the operation area. Your stitches will be left in for about 2 weeks.

Some surgeons leave a small tube (stent) inside you to help drain fluid from the pancreas after your surgery. This is usually removed about 3 weeks after the operation, so you have to come back to hospital to have it taken out in out patients.

Getting up

This may seem impossible at first. Moving about helps you to get better, but you will need to start very gradually. Your physiotherapist will visit you every day after your operation to help you with your breathing and leg exercises.

Your nurses will encourage you to get out of bed and sit in a chair one or two days after your surgery. They will help you with all the drips and drains. Over the next couple of days, the tubes, bottles and bags will start to be taken out. Then, it will be much easier to get around and you will really feel that you are beginning to make progress.

Making progress

After a few days you will be able to be up and about more. Gradually you will start to feel better. You will be able to eat more, but will have to stick to the diet that your dietitian has planned for you. Your diet will be low in fat and quite bland. Frequent small meals are easier to manage than 3 large meals a day. There is more about diet after pancreatic surgery in the, Living With Pancreatic Cancer section of CancerHelp UK.

Your blood sugar will continue to be monitored until it is stable. Unless you have had a total pancreatectomy, you shouldn't need to be on insulin for long. If your blood sugar is not stable by the time you go home, you and your family will be taught how to keep an eye on it.

One More Thing....

Yesterday, while we were in the surgical waiting room, there were various other families in there throughout the day. At one point, this lady came in and reported to the volunteer coordinator as to who she was waiting for.

"Carlos Jesus."

Then what does she do?

She says...

"It's spelled J-E-S-U-S."

I looked over at Greg (brother-in-law) and the two of us had to muffle our laughs.

OF EVERY SINGLE NAME IN THE WORLD, I'd have to say that it is the MOST KNOWN. We would already know how to spell it...considering...oh I don't know.....

It's Jesus?

LOL

Cringeworthy Movie Titles?

Okay, so what is the point of misspelling movie titles?

I mean, how hard is it to add one simple letter to the title of the movie to spell it correctly?

I realize I am a self-professed grammar cop, but come on. Please.

How stupid are these titles?

I Am Legend
Hav Plenty
Boyz In The Hood
Mo Money
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka

And most recently....

How She Move

Even if these movies looked promising, I would refuse to see them. But that's just me. You need to spell properly to come across as anywhere near respectable in my eyes.

Okay, my rant is over. I know you missed them. Admit it.

Saturday...

I was at the hospital today, after spending the night in "The Hammer" at my friend Shirley's house. Shirley is a friend that I reconnected with through Facebook. We went to school together from grade 6 through grade 13. Then we lost contact.

Now we are back, and it feels as though no time has passed. That's how you can tell you have a good friend. She has a gorgeous house and a gorgeous family.

Thanks, Shirl.

When I got to the hospital at 2:25 (visiting hours start at 2:30...the time the chinese man goes to the dentist [tooth hurty]..okay it was my dad's joke), she was sitting in her chair. She did not look well. She was grabbing the arms of the chair, as though she was trying her hardest not to be sick...her colour was awful too. The nurses assured me that she was doing well, considering the trauma that she was recovering from. The nurses start to move the patient around almost immediately after surgery to speed up the recovery. She lasted about 20 minutes sitting up and then they put her back in her bed. She has a drainage tube in her stomach, a catheter for the usual(s), a drainage tube in her nose, oxygen, and her central line. About 6 bags of fluid are being administered to her for various reasons. She is not in any pain, but looks like she is totally and completely worn out. I said hello, and then a few hours later she asked me how our mom was, and that was it. I sat with her for a few more hours until her husband could get there.

I understand why she doesn't look good. My brain accepts that. However, I would give anything for it to be me in that bed instead of her. She has 2 beautiful kids, and a wonderful husband. She shouldn't be the sick one. Her kids are confused and obviously don't understand why she is sick. How do you answer a question that can't be answered?

I'm back in Burlington tomorrow, but I had to come home tonight since I haven't done laundry in ages. I haven't spent a night here in about 10 days. I'm thinking that it would be more advantageous to just give all of my stuff away and live out of a bag, while sponging off my friends and family for places to crash. No? You may not like me walking around naked, so ixnay that idea.

I think I will actually post something in my typical cynical/sarcastic manner. I can't have you forget that side of me. Get ready.........the subject will be...ebonics.

Relief.....

So Laurelle had her surgery today - she was scheduled for 8 a.m and wasn't done until 3:45 p.m.

She was a trooper. She was nervous for a few days prior to the surgery because she wasn't a fan of having an epidural, a line through her wrist or tube through her nose....

I waited for her to be transferred to the post-op room, and she was talking, etc. She was totally with it, but sore and exhausted. She mentioned that she didn't like the tube in her nose, but since she can't vomit on her own, they have to make sure that the bile is being sucked out of her stomach until her digestive system kicks in again. The tumor was further down than they anticipated, but they managed to get it all. They stated that there were no other cancerous tissues/organs that were visible to the naked eye. Of course, they have to wait for the results to come back from the biopsy again to confirm this.

I am very happy and very relieved. She's doing well so far. I will be going back to visit tomorrow.

Thanks for all the well wishes, and for all of the prayers that you have said in her name.

I'll update again soon....until then, some sleep.

Weekend In Burlington

So I went to see Laurelle on Friday, and she looked MUCH better than she did last Sunday. She had her colour back and her face was looking healthier.

They have put a central line in her chest. What is this, you ask? I had to ask my friend Andrea what it was - here is the explanation:

A central line is a long, hollow tube made from silicone rubber. They are also called skin-tunneled central venous catheters. The central line is inserted (tunneled) under the skin of your chest into a vein. The tip of the tube sits in a large vein just above your heart.

A central line can be used to give you treatments such as chemotherapy, antibiotics and intravenous fluids. It can also be used to take samples of your blood for testing. Central lines can also be used to give liquid food into the vein if your digestive system is not able to cope with food for any reason.

Laurelle didn't like this procedure - she said it was quite painful, although all of the literature says she shouldn't have felt anything. She never complains about pain either, so it was a little bothersome to hear.

She is getting bags of fluid/food to keep her hydrated and fed. She has put on 2 lbs since she was admitted which is good news. She can't shower, so I helped her wash her hair in the shower room. He hair is falling out like crazy due to her not getting any nutrition for a few months. She vomits a few times a day, and I wasn't crazy about overhearing that either, because I never realized how much she was vomiting over the last few months. The tumor is just below the entrance from the bile duct to the duodenum, so it backs up into her stomach - it has nowhere else to go. After it backs up for a few hours, she has to throw up. You know when you throw up bile and it's maybe a few teaspoons? That is gross enough, right? Laurelle throws up about 3 LITRES of bile per day. I honestly can't even imagine.

Her spirits are still good; my mom says she takes after my dad. He never complained. A chip off the old block. She just can't wait for this to be over because all she wants in life is to eat a Big Mac.

The surgery that will be done is called the Whipple Procedure. They will remove the whole duodenum, part of her pancreas, and part of her stomach. They will reattach the small intestine to the stomach. It will take a while for her to recover (7-10 days in the hospital, assuming there are no complications) and about 4-6 weeks at home. My mom will be staying with her at home while she recovers. Once the surgeons get in there and see what exactly is happening, they will be able to prescribe future treatment. Chemo, radiation, etc.

Anyhow, that is the update. I saw her again today and she looks better. She wishes she could have a shower, but you can't get the central line wet because there is a high chance of infection.

Surgery is either Wed or Friday. I can't wait for them to do this. Hurry up already, EFF.

I asked if she misses taking care of the kids and she said no. She said that she enjoys knowing that her husband is dealing with what she deals with all day. See what I mean.....? Feisty.

Weekend Update

Sorry for the abrupt post yesterday - I was given the news 3 minutes before I left one job for the other. I had to update something fast so that people reading this blog would know one way or the other.

So yes, the news is shitty, but I have full faith that Laurelle will pull through.

Here is what I know so far:

• Surgery to take place sometime in the next week.
• They will remove the tumor and a bit of her liver and stomach (to make sure they have isolated the cancer)
• Recovery for this surgery will be at least 3-4 weeks in the hospital and 4-6 weeks at home
• 1 in 3 people will have complications following the surgery
• Not sure what will come after that - radiation or chemotherapy - she'll have to cross that bridge when she comes to it.
• She is in good spirits and wants me to bring her a hair band, some mousse and a Marie Claire magazine. She thinks her hair looks like a "fro". This is a good sign of her attitude.

Thanks for the emails and phone calls. This truly is a crappy thing, but people beat cancer all the time.

She will too.

Off to see her tonight and tomorrow........

UPDATE

Biopsy results are in.

It's cancer.

Details to follow.

ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE

Patients dying in 'hall of shame': EMS

Paramedics allege 3 died while waiting for bed this week at Etobicoke General

(Sun Media photo)

Hospital backlogs that leave patients in waiting rooms or on stretchers in a so-called "hall of shame" are to blame for three people dying within 24 hours at Etobicoke General Hospital, a city paramedic union leader alleges.

Glenn Fontaine, unit ambulance chairman for Toronto Paramedic Local 416, claims three people died between Monday and Tuesday at the hospital, with one of them going into cardiac arrest after sitting in the waiting room with chest pains for three hours and another patient dying after waiting with paramedics on an "offload delay" before getting a bed.

Offload delays refer to paramedics at the hospital with a patient waiting for a bed.

Paramedics call the hospital's back hallway where they routinely wait with patients for an emergency room bed the "hall of shame," Fontaine said.

Dr. Naveed Mohammad, the hospital's corporate chief of emergency services, flatly denied that patients died in a waiting room or on a stretcher and said emergency room deaths are not uncommon.

"We did experience an unusually high number of admitted patients in the Etobicoke General Hospital's emergency department ... on Monday and Tuesday of this week," the hospital said in a statement.

Mohammad confirmed there was at least one death in the emergency department.

"I can't disclose any sort of information about any specific patient," he said.

"We did have an extraordinarily busy day," he said, adding there were no patient complaints that day.

The hospital's statement said no patients "lost vital signs" while in a waiting room or on an ambulance stretcher.

The hospital, part of the William Osler Health Centre that includes Brampton Civic Hospital, said if their clinical care team has any concerns about patient treatment, a review would be conducted.

But paramedics say not enough is being done to address backlogs and the issue of offload delays is at all hospitals and far too many patients are waiting far too long.

Too many hospitals have "halls of shame," Fontaine said.

Although they only bring in 15% of emergency department patients, Toronto EMS offload delays are a sign of the backlog in city hospitals.

Those delays are the largest contributor to the $6.7-million overtime for city paramedics last year -- $3.6 million over budget.

Offloads are at their worst in the city's northwest section, said Mark Ferguson, vice-president of the Toronto Civic Employees Union Local 416.

"You saw this coming when they started to close hospitals," he said, noting the northwest area lost three hospitals.

"Because there's no beds for these patients, they need to go somewhere and it's a backlog situation," Ferguson said. "No one wants to take the bull by the horns and solve this issue."

Norm Lambert, EMS deputy chief, said the service has seen the worst offload delays ever this week.

Despite attention drawn to the issue, the delays haven't improved in the last few years, he said.

35 MINUTES IDEAL

Ideally, paramedics should be back on the road 35 minutes after arriving at hospital, Lambert said.

The average offload delay across the city is 65 minutes, but paramedics can wait up to 10 hours for the hospital to take a patient.

Yesterday, offloads were at their worst at 6:30 a.m., with 19 delays of the 45 ambulances on the road.

Since November, the service has had 120 to 160 offload delays three hours or longer each week, Toronto EMS spokesman Lyla Miller said.

According to city budget briefing notes, offload delays also hamper EMS response time.

Paramedics respond to a call in under nine minutes only 69.1% of the time -- down from 84% in 1996.

"The good news is that action is being taken now," Lambert said, adding the province, paramedics and hospitals are working together to address the issue.

"I think we are seeing some action at the expert panel level ... very soon some resolve could be coming out of this."

Health ministry spokesman Laurel Ostfield said reducing emergency wait times is a top priority for the provincial government.

Two days after Premier Dalton McGuinty's re-election, he named Dr. Alan Hudson to expand the government's strategy to reduce emergency department wait times.

"People will start seeing the tracking of (emergency) wait times," Ostfield said. "If you can't track it, you can't lower it."

A FAVOURITE

Just thought I would post a favourite from the last few years......we're a little shiny but that's because we were sweating like crazy at a baby shower.

Hump Day Update

Many people have asked about statuses so I will give updates here.

Not much to tell other than the tumor is the size of a golf ball. Still waiting for the biopsy results.

Greg (brother-in-law) is taking a leave of absence from work since they think the surgery/recovery will be 4-8 weeks.

Laurelle is in good spirits since she is getting nutrition through her I.V, and has some energy back. Not having to take care of the kids and just relaxing in bed is assisting with that.

She should be transferred out of the ER soon and into a real room. She has been in the ER for two days now. Oh, it's Joseph Brant Memorial Hospital in Burlington.

My friend Andrea has been a blessing- and has lent me her car... just in case. She is driving her late father's car in the meantime. I have the best friends ever. I don't know what I would do without them. So, I am on standby until I need to get my ass to Burlington for the surgery.

(wow, I got through that entry without cursing...)

SEEING RED

So now Laurelle is in the hospital - she was so dizzy that she couldn't walk, so her husband brought her to the hospital on Monday. They did a scope the next day and found that she has a large intestinal tumor in the first section of her small intestine. No food or water could pass that area, hence the weight loss.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unbelievably angry right now. Sending her home with the diagnosis of the "flu" more than once is fucking stupid. I'm a gym student and even I knew that something had to have been wrong.

I'm sick of hearing horror stories about our health care system and how they don't listen to their patients.

I'm PRAYING that the biopsy shows that the tumour is benign. Good thoughts, good thoughts.... I have to think positive....although it's very hard. Surgery is planned for this week, regardless.

I may be posting more often or less often, depending on how angry or relieved I am. Writing alleviates stress for me so don't feel the need to comment. Just read it and call in a favour to the big JC. I'd appreciate it.

M

A SERIOUS CANADIAN PROBLEM – GET READY, THIS IS A LONG ONE

I’m sure most of you have heard me rant at one time or another about how I think our health care system blows. If you haven’t, let me inform you of my experience with it....

When I lived in Calgary, I started to have nightly pains, which woke me up and made me pace the house for hours and hours. They seemed to get worse when I was horizontal, so I just walked and walked while rubbing my breastbone. They started to get worse, so I went to the doctor and told her about my issue. She sent me for an ultrasound. When I got the results, the doctor had left her practice since she decided to retire early, at 50. The doctor that took over told me that there were no issues with the ultrasound. Even after I asked him whether it could be gallstones (I had done my research), he said no.

I decided to go home and prayed that the symptoms would go away.

They got worse.

I went back to the doctor and this guy had left for a job in BC. I flipped pages in the phone book and called about 20 practices, and listened to them all tell me that they weren’t taking new patients. I finally stumbled across a doctor that was taking new patients, so I got hooked up with his practice. He was not a very good doctor, but he did the job.

Fast forward 2 more years, a barium x-ray, a throat and stomach scope, an endoscopy through my nose (which resulted in me fainting on the technician), and a full body scan…they still couldn’t find the issue. Oh, and by this time I had been referred to a GASTROENTEROLOGIST. He couldn’t find the problem, although I told the doctor EACH TIME that I had gallstones. Each time they told me it was not the issue. It got to the point that I had been to emergency 3 times, and had suffered with nightly attacks that kept me up for anywhere between 4-8 hours. My pain tolerance increased so dramatically that I could sleep through them, as long as I had a hot water bottle or heating pad directly against my skin. I would usually get blisters from the heat from these two items, but as long as it helped the pain, I was happy. I couldn’t eat anything near the end – I lived off Diet Coke and Arrowroot Cookies. I lost 20 lbs in a month or two since I couldn’t get anything in without getting an attack. Mind you, I had about 40 lbs to lose, but losing 20 from not eating makes you feel like garbage. Your body is basically starving itself, and you have zero energy.

I eventually threatened my doctor that I was going to start the operation with a spoon, so that someone would feel obligated to finish the job. He looked into my file and BAM, someone had missed that I HAD GALLSTONES that were recorded during the first ultrasound – three fucking years before. He called the surgeon immediately, like a dog with his tail between his legs and squeezed (dripping with sarcasm) me in for an appointment in 4 WEEKS. I went to the surgeon for this POINTLESS consultation (read: an excuse to bill the patient for more money before the actual operation) and I was scheduled in for surgery in 4 MONTHS. To make a longer story longer, I eventually had the surgery, and I feel like a million dollars now. I never took any painkillers from the surgery because the pain from the incision was a dream compared to the 150+ attacks I had experienced before.

Why am I telling you this story, you ask?

Well, my poor sister Laurelle, has been experiencing symptoms that are identical to having a peptic ulcer. In November, they became so prominent that she was vomiting for 5 days straight. Anything she ate was thrown back up. A visit to the hospital proved a mistake, as they pumped her up with fluids through an I.V and told her it was the FLU. Fast forward a few weeks to Christmas. My mom and I spent the day at her house, and she made this great turkey dinner with all the fixings. She ate a thimbleful of the meal since she still couldn’t keep food down. Over the last few weeks, I have read her Facebook statuses, which always have to do with food. They talk about eating Big Macs, fries, DQ Blizzards, etc. She is starving but can’t eat a single thing. She finally had an appointment with her family doctor and he referred her to a specialist. The problem is, her consultation (read: an excuse to bill the patient for more money before the actual operation) was 4 weeks away. Four more weeks passed and her symptoms got worse. The specialist decides to book her in for a scope…but the problem is, they are booking into APRIL. Laurelle is much like my father and I, so she told him where he could shove his appointment. He asked the secretary to inform Laurelle if there is a cancellation and voila – there is one for this coming Friday. Had she not bitched, she’d still be waiting for April. Firstly, a scope isn’t even really considered surgery. They sedate you a bit and then shove a camera down your throat to look around. It’s not invasive surgery, so why the hell should she have to wait that long!?!?

This past Saturday she was in the hospital again getting fluids since she was severely dehydrated.

I visited her yesterday and she looked terrible. Her face was gaunt, her smile was skeletal (sorry Laurelle) and her voice was a fraction as loud as it used to be. She has taken off a total of 68 lbs since the beginning of the summer (30 planned, 38 unplanned).

Today I got a call from her stating that she was on her way to the hospital again since she couldn’t stand without getting dizzy. This time they are going to the hospital where this specialist (read: fuckwad) works out of. He better figure out the problem TODAY or I will be more pissed. As it is, I am fuming.

The health care system in Canada needs an overhaul. It seems that every issue of Macleans has an article about how it has gone downhill. There are not enough doctors, nurses, emergency staff, hospital beds, etc. It seems to be getting worse. All of the qualified doctors from other countries can't practice here without going back to school to get certified.

This entry was more of a venting tool for me today. I am frustrated and annoyed and I needed to put it down on paper. My apologies for the swearing but I am sure you will understand.

I really hope Laurelle feels better soon. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her healthy again. Hopefully the doctor finds that wand today. If he doesn't, he'll have angry little/bigger sister after his ass.

When the cat's away......

Today, a few of us couldn't get motivated at work, since it was Friday....and the boss was away.

We started looking You Tube and were giggling about a few things. One of the girls asked us if we had ever watched GI Joe, and one said yes, and I stared at her blankly. I was thinking (pre-judging) ..."ya, that must be hilarious to watch. Not."

Well it turns out that someone took some clips of the GI Joe cartoon (which I never watched) and dubbed it full of hilarious, obscure shit. Man, some of it is funny. I thought I would share a few of my favourites....beware of the swearing.

It's official. He has lost his marbles.

Okay, Tom Cruise could be in direct competition with George Bush concerning who sounds more retarded. Pay special attention to the 4 minute and 30 second mark. His laugh is soooo 100% fake, it pains me to hear it. I got to the end of this video and thought...what the HELL is he smoking? He made NO SENSE at all.



On the other hand, Jerry O'Connell is a genius. He is so brilliant in this parody. PYT? LOL.

Do you know where your children are?

Okay, I just got home from Walmart , and I just HAD to blog about this one thing that irks the shit out of me.

So I was there at about 10:15-10:30 p.m. An abnormal time even for an adult.

Why is it that people feel the need to drag their children to supermarkets at that hour? I mean, come on. Most kids should be in bed before 8. Can anyone be a parent nowadays? Apparently so. Kids need structure. They need routine.

They should not be shopping at 11. Especially when they are between 1-6 yrs old.

Get a grip people. Put your kids to bed, where they belong, and save the shopping for another day.

News Reporter Goes Crazy!! Funny as hell!

Oh my goodness...I haven't laughed this hard in a loooooong time!

Robert Beneteau July 9, 1942 - Jan 9, 2008

I'm sad to announce that Bob Beneteau, my friend's dad, passed away yesterday. I pretty much grew up at his house. Anytime I wasn't home, I was hanging out with Lesley and her sisters. So many good memories took place with her family.

He will be missed.

I've Got Nothin...

I keep trying to blog, since I haven't had an entry in a long time, but the truth is - I have nothing. It's like the creative juices are taking a break. So, I will just tell you what I have been doing over the last month or so. On December 21st, I had my one year review at work. It went surprisingly well. I say this because I never know if I am doing a good job, or a bad job. My boss only seems to tell me when I do stuff wrong. So, I'm happy that I stuck it out for the year to find this out. I was reallllllllllllly considering leaving and finding a new place of work for a month or so there. One of my downfalls is that I am impatient with myself and am always looking for the next best thing. I made a conscious effort to just keep plugging along, in the hopes that things got better. They have.

Dec 21st was also my mom's 72nd birthday. Yay Joanie Maloney!

I started my holidays by going up to Wasaga Beach to visit my mom for a few days. We shopped, she entertained, and I baked.

Yes, my friends. I baked.

On Christmas day, my mom and I went to my sister's house. We spent the day with her family. It was a very nice day overall. The kids were happy, and the adults were happy. I left for Calgary on December 28th, and stayed for 5 days. I visited my friends back there, and again, had a great time.

I made no real resolutions this year, other than just improving on the guitar. Not sure if that means lessons, online lessons, or just practicing more. We'll have to see.

I spent the last few days just hanging out at my place, savouring each last day of freedom. Then, sadly, on the 7th, I was back to work. I now work at:

F/T Job - M-F, 9-4
Volleyball Association - Monday nights
Toronto Central Sport & Social Club - Wed and Thursday nights

So, I am a busy girl once again. Due to all of these jobs, I hope to have a car by the summer.

Bob Beneteau, the father of three of my good friends, Lesley/Andrea/Alysse, has been ill for a while. He has chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Most recently, he went through a bone marrow transplant after finding out that his brother was a match for him. He has been very sick since then, and hasn't hit the benchmarks that they thought he would. As of yesterday, he was given 48 hours to live. The cancer came back. I'm not convinced that in today's world, we haven't found a cure for cancer yet. I have my suspicions, and they may seem a little conspiracy theory-ish. I just hope that one day in the next decade, someone does something to make this terrible disease go away, once and for all.

Anyhow, I hope all of you reading this are happy and healthy, and that your holiday season was exceptional.

Now, off to update my movie blog.............and to select my TOP 10 of 2007.........

Technology Shmecknology

I feel so out of touch lately...ever since my laptop died on me.

It’s amazing how reliant we become on technology. It used to be that we had rotary telephones and televisions with one dial. We didn’t have answering machines – we just called back when they were home. We didn’t have call display- we just found out who it was after we answered. We never had remotes for anything. We got up off our fat asses and changed the channel, answered the phone that was attached to the wall and actually chatted with people in public. I was on the subway the other day, and I usually take this time to sit there without reading, listening to music, etc. I like to turn my brain off and relax. In front of me was a guy my age, playing with his Blackberry. The guy beside me was playing video games on his cell phone. The man across from him had his laptop out of his case and was typing away. Why is it that people can’t step away from technology for two seconds? And we wonder why kids are being diagnosed with ADHD more often. The parents/adults are guilty of the same thing.

Now we need giant screen plasma TVs, every function on your telephone, and remote after remote. Cars are fitted with radio dials on the steering wheel because apparently it expends too much energy to extend your arm out and change it that way. People blame getting fat on fast food and poor diet, when a lot of it is lack of movement as well. We will create anything to essentially make ourselves lazier. Don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty. I will walk around my apartment when I have lost the remote, instead of just walking to the TV and changing it that way.

I wouldn’t dream of answering my cell phone when in the presence of a friend. I find it incredibly rude. I find call-waiting incredibly rude as well. I mean, you made plans with me...and you’re answering your phone? When I called, I called first. Why the hell should I wait for you to speak to 2 or 3 other people that called after I did? It doesn’t make sense. It’s no wonder that friendships dwindle over time nowadays. No one makes a proper effort. No one is made to feel special, however gay that sounds. I don’t even think it’s about making someone feel special. I think it’s proper etiquette and a bit of common sense, and just being plain considerate. If you were closing a one million dollar deal at work, and your cell rang, would you answer it? Hell no, you wouldn’t. There would be too much at stake. Friends and family are just as important. If you lose them, you have lost more than a million dollar deal. Of course there are exceptions to this rule - if you have kids at home or are expecting an important call, or an emergency occurs...etc... I'm not totally unreasonable.

But I digress.

I used to be a total gadget girl. I loved technology. Now, I have entered the “getting old” zone where I find fault in anything new. I like my 14 yr old television. I like my Olympus mp3 player. I like my 15 yr old stereo. It suits me fine. The older I get, the simpler I get, and that is fine too. You start to realize that it’s not the “things” in your life that make you happy, but rather the people in your life that do.

And for that reason alone, I couldn’t be happier. I have the best people in my life and I will never answer my cell phone around you, or make you wait while I answer the other line. If I lose my remote, I may ask you to get up and change the channel though. No one said I was perfect :)

Debbie D

Props back to Nicola for seeing Debra D with me.

I love Debra D.

If any of you have the chance to see her live, you won't be disappointed.

I am sooooooooooooo happy that Nicola informed me of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Check out Nicola's post here.

P.S

Debbie D should not be confused with Debbie Deb, the 80's freestyle artist. Lookout weeeekends cuz here I commmme. Or, when I hear music it makes me dance, you got the music, here's my chance......[robotic interlude].

Anniversary

So today is my one year anniversary of being home in the T-Dot. I arrived at about 7:30 pm, a year ago today.

So far, in one year I have accomplished....

NOTHING.

I have worked my ass off at 2 jobs and have been pinching pennies. Attempted to pay off the move. Got rid of the car, and that totally blew. My F/T job is okay, if I could just fix one problem that I don't believe will ever go away unless I go first.

I have met up with tons of friends over the last year which has been good...this whole Facebook phenomenon has been wonderful. I now hang with friends that I haven't seen in 17 years.
I hardly see my family - actually I think I saw them more when I lived in Calgary. Not placing blame on anyone, it's just hard when I can't pick up and see them as much as I would like.

So, the jury is still out as to whether it was a good decision to come home. I'd like to make more money so that I don't have to work so many jobs. I would like one problem to go away from my full-time job. I would like a car.

I'm not going anywhere soon though, as I have spent money getting an Ontario health card, and my Ontario licence. I gave my landlord another 12 months of cheques as well. I think it really boils down to laziness. The thought of moving right now sucks eggs.

What is life about anyhow? There has to be more than this. It seems like the fun times are few and far between and most of us are spending our time trying to get by, day by day. Struggles are different for everyone, but we all don't take enough time out for ourselves.

I'm taking some time out for myself now and going the hell to bed.

Bah, humbug.